My son is yet to learn diplomacy. He is very vocal about his feelings and tells anybody and everybody what he thinks about them and leaves us with a tough task of damage control. It's all the worse because he looks much older than his age and people may not take all the remarks very kindly. I guess he'll learn with experience like we all did.
I don't exactly remember if I was told explicitly not to speak an unpleasant truth. I think we just picked up the 'manners' just by absorbing how others behaved. I do remember an incident in 4th standard when I told a notorious senior who was making fun of us what I thought of him. I called him and his friends monkeys but the teacher reprimanded me very badly for that and didn't say anything to him. Next must've been in 7th standard when I told Meenakshi teacher that she was always giving A+ to M whereas I, who wrote as beautifully as he did, mostly got an A. She too got angry with me and shut me up with a harangue.
I don't think I ventured into anything like that till Engineering first year when for the first time I fought with someone seriously. L and Manjula was roomies, L was my best friend and Manjula considered me hers. L tought Manjula so many things because being from Diploma background she was finding it difficult to follow Maths etc. But there used to be plenty of misunderstandings also b/w them and one fine day it went to such a level that L told me that Manjula was going to complain on her to the warden. I was of course shocked and went to her room as a peacemaker but as I heard Manjula accusing L of so many silly things, I couldn't take it anymore. I just exploded and told Manjula what I thought of her. The way I let caution go shocked myself and of course Manjula but I could see that L was happy for the support. Things cooled down after that but they weren't the same between Manjula and me.
I've been guilty of being too diplomatic once and that has rankled me for a long time. That was in Hyderabad when I came back from Mumbai to join Shab in our rented house to find that there were two more housemates. Things weren't great between those two girls and Shab,mostly on account of financial settlements. One day things went pretty bad and even when I came to know it, I didn't do anything other than lending an ear to Shab's complaints. I don't know why I kept quiet - just for the heck of being perceived as a 'nice' person by all the parties? I was Shab's friend and those people didn't matter to me and I should've naturally defended Shab but I didn't. I am still ashamed of myself for that.
I think now I've improved a bit. There have been many occasions when I've fought with my boss to defend my team when I thought they were doing their job and I've never hesitated to argue on something that he said if I thought it was a bad idea. I know I still have a long way to go to achieve a balance but I'm trying.
I don't exactly remember if I was told explicitly not to speak an unpleasant truth. I think we just picked up the 'manners' just by absorbing how others behaved. I do remember an incident in 4th standard when I told a notorious senior who was making fun of us what I thought of him. I called him and his friends monkeys but the teacher reprimanded me very badly for that and didn't say anything to him. Next must've been in 7th standard when I told Meenakshi teacher that she was always giving A+ to M whereas I, who wrote as beautifully as he did, mostly got an A. She too got angry with me and shut me up with a harangue.
I don't think I ventured into anything like that till Engineering first year when for the first time I fought with someone seriously. L and Manjula was roomies, L was my best friend and Manjula considered me hers. L tought Manjula so many things because being from Diploma background she was finding it difficult to follow Maths etc. But there used to be plenty of misunderstandings also b/w them and one fine day it went to such a level that L told me that Manjula was going to complain on her to the warden. I was of course shocked and went to her room as a peacemaker but as I heard Manjula accusing L of so many silly things, I couldn't take it anymore. I just exploded and told Manjula what I thought of her. The way I let caution go shocked myself and of course Manjula but I could see that L was happy for the support. Things cooled down after that but they weren't the same between Manjula and me.
I've been guilty of being too diplomatic once and that has rankled me for a long time. That was in Hyderabad when I came back from Mumbai to join Shab in our rented house to find that there were two more housemates. Things weren't great between those two girls and Shab,mostly on account of financial settlements. One day things went pretty bad and even when I came to know it, I didn't do anything other than lending an ear to Shab's complaints. I don't know why I kept quiet - just for the heck of being perceived as a 'nice' person by all the parties? I was Shab's friend and those people didn't matter to me and I should've naturally defended Shab but I didn't. I am still ashamed of myself for that.
I think now I've improved a bit. There have been many occasions when I've fought with my boss to defend my team when I thought they were doing their job and I've never hesitated to argue on something that he said if I thought it was a bad idea. I know I still have a long way to go to achieve a balance but I'm trying.
No comments:
Post a Comment