My 90 year-old grandmother underwent a surgery today. Could've been avoided if she'd been open about the trouble that's been plaguing her for decades now. The doctor says the surgery is successful. Remains to be seen. 

Self-goals

No TV for the foreseeable future, early morning walks(the sun is too sharp by 8 anyway) and no under-eye pouches. 

New Landscapes

Our walking track is around what used to be a lake, quite a large one. Now the lake is being dredged with some ambitious plan and the track has disappeared at some places. Of course walkers find new trails but it's a mental adjustment too, now that so much of the area is cleared and one can see the other side of the track. But with so much to do and hardly any time for the rains, we're sure to have a messy area soon. The main track is already overcrowded. 

Ageing Memories

Is forties the time when you think almost everything tasted better before but you're not really sure anymore how that 'before' tasted?

Besieged by Begum Akhtar's Ab Ke Sawan Ghar Aaja right now. I feel young, foolish, restless and happy. 

Refusing to be Grateful

What's with husbands and washing the dishes? As if that's the only chore worth doing. Run the house at least for a day, no? 

Bangalore has bloomed but I have a terrible urge to return to hometown. 

Choices

I've never watched a women-centric movie or a series before where I found so many I could identify with. One way or the other. I used to wonder at them before but now it feels like I'm one of them, well almost. 

Why does one break carefully-built-over-the-years wall and step out to bare herself? 

Sharing the Boat

To know that your friend's husband thinks almost exactly like yours is no solace. But it helps in unburdening yourself a bit more, I guess. L and I had one of the most honest conversations by the roadside today. Of course one could say it was one-sided but I felt so much better after that. Anyway, for me the first step was telling my mother about it, when I was advising her on her own marriage. She may have figured some of it already but I decided to be vocal this time. I think the pandemic is making me desperate in many ways.

Like Before

Anu went to play with her gang today, after a full year. All these days she'd been saying she wouldn't, even after things returned to normalcy. But at the first glimpse of her friends in the play area, she just forgot all that and went, saying she would just 'check it out'. It ended up like old days, my having to call her home. It was a relief. 

Friend in Need

L has returned to India for good(hopefully). Arrived yesterday. We've agreed that we will have the morning walks together. Things cannot get any better on that front. But I'm still feeling uneasy about her. She recently discovered high BP and is trying to overcome the shock. I hope these months' break will do good to her and she can finally settle down here. She needs it. I want to be there for her. 

And D has been suddenly incommunicado since Monday. All he could say was that unfortunately things weren't good at his end. The guy is crazy and he exasperates me and I really don't know why I want to hear from him at all yet I end up saying that. I am crazy myself, no doubt. 

Rishi's KVPY results didn't turn out so good. The first disappointment in a while but he seems to have swallowed it. Right now he's enjoying life and I hope he can continue to do that. 

I wonder how he knows the meaning of some of the adult lingo. Everytime I discover that he knows them, I try to recollect how and when I figured them. Of course it's futile. 

This Masked Life

Just like mutations, even a new kind of mask takes getting used to. Irrespective of its thickness. But I'm getting sick of masks now, maybe because I'm staring at another onslaught of new infections in the city. 

I think the trip to hometown spoilt me. V and I discarded the masks after the second day, we travelled in a crowded bus(yes!! Though that was with the mask and a lot of misgivings afterwards), we travelled in the city, trekked, shopped, walked and it felt like normal life after so so long. Now to come back and think of that as an aberration is becoming very difficult. 

I'm buying a piece of our beloved gudde. I had(as had all of us around) feared for the future of that hill and when I saw a broken rock nearby, the decision came quickly. Of course it helped that Auntie and Maama have bought the piece next to it already. Aayi was inexplicably upset about it the first day but now she's upbeat about it. And the bonus has been our neighbour N thanking me for saving the rock. I don't remember chatting with him so much in years. 

The Breaking Point

You get a new obsession, you put yourself headlong into it and when you someday decide it's not worth it and want to get yourself out of it, you realize you've kinda forgotten what life was like before. Days start having holes and you wonder what you used to fill those with. You actually know what but none of them seems worthwhile anymore. I dread the coming days of restlessness. 

Funny Bonds

Rishi is finally taking my book recommendations seriously. He's hooked to Wodehouses now and is rummaging through my old bookbox for more of them, making me very happy. 

Rarities

I suddenly missed being alone. It's been a year now. I don't know when it will happen again either. I was envious of P, who spent a week without us. On an impulse I asked him when he was going to Hyderabad, to finish some pending work. He intends to get it done through some contacts there. I know I'm going to have this craving for some time. 

Season of Newness

In this season of feeling like a stranger among familiar faces, it's good to know someone from up close. When you feel away from the world, it's good to feel close to someone. It's good to feel younger again. It's good to wait, to feel impatient, to be frustrated, to feel elated at the sound of wind chimes, to mistake even a cycle bell for that sound, to feel wanted, to be seen as what you are, to think, say and do things you never thought you would. It's good to be alive to go through the myriad shades of life, shades you thought were impossible to be there at all. 

Wrong Time

Either I'm getting Chalees or I'm spending too much time on WhatsApp or both, my eyes are hurting. And sleep, which used to be my dear companion, is eluding me. And today I have a headache and feeling of onset of fever. The last thing I was looking for before going home.