Waking up to Nightmare

Waking up to know that Sridevi is no more is one of the most surreal feelings. I don't know what to do today except for staring dumbly at the half-working TV screen - it went bad yesterday - and listlessly listening to some of her songs. I guess it just boils down to missing waiting for her movies and the excitement of watching her. I started on Hindi movies as her fan, P grew up with her movies and Rishi, who is a one-movie fan - English Vinglish - is mourning too.

Raising Eyebrows

This one is for all the women around my childhood who would smile happily when they heard it. I don't smile, no. But I also think of Dundiraj for some forgotten reasons.

Ever since Padmavati's trailer got released, my eyebrows are attracting somewhat unfair attention. Especially women give them a second look and smile at me and make me want to tell them that I am no copycat.

Rough Sailing

One of Razia's recurring questions is when my mother will come to stay with us again. She seems to think that I'm in dire need of some help. It may be so but I don't want to admit it and I'm deriving some satisfaction out of imagining that I'm proving my mother wrong. Anyway, since things like personal choice, individual freedom etc don't make sense to Razia, - it doesn't to many - I tell her of my mother's tangible problems. Like how my parents are currently busy getting their home painted and in another week my mother will go to her in-laws' place to help in my cousin's delivery and subsequently the baby's naming ceremony and then after another ten days she'll be in her mother's place for her father's shradhdha...and I don't know what else can come up meanwhile. But Razia is not to be convinced easily; she says my mother has more time for everybody else than her own daughter. I tell her it's not fair to have such expectation on my part. Actually I'm of no help to her and whatever she did to help me for five years was more than I could ask for. But I guess Razia is kind of drawing her own parallel because she's upset with her folks who she says only bank on her but never help her even in her worst times. The other day she was cursing her mother for having given birth to nine children in a line because all she did in her childhood was taking care of younger siblings. Then she got married at fourteen and has been working as a help since the age of seventeen. She is one superhuman really and knows it too.

Summer has hardly stepped in and my mother has started campaigning for having her grandchildren during vacations. As I said her calendar is full and I chide her that she's simply asking for more trouble but she wouldn't listen. But this time I've put my foot down; children will stay only as long as I do. That is for two weeks.

And... Razia has gone to native because her brother passed away and I am a little more helpless.

The X Factor

It is fascinating how your brain likes somebody, especially when you hardly know the person. Even more than somebody who's always been nice to you. Sometimes, it's just the voice at the other end and you are able to distinguish that voice from so many others and you look forward to hearing it. It's even better when you can detect some sort of reciprocation from that end.

One of my ex-bosses has sent me a LinkedIn invitation. One of the worst ones when he was around and I don't know why the hell he wants to connect now.

Home-bound

Razia is frustrated. She says before, people would spend their weekends shopping outside and she would get at least a day off. But nowadays people just stay put in their homes and shop everything online and Razia just can't understand what happiness we derive out of that. I told her the tide is bound to turn.

Finding Longevity

I'm the detective of my family. I specialize in finding missing objects inside the house. While growing up though, I didn't have any professional ethics and I remember harassing V often with my prowess. Now I've grown up and moreover, I don't have much luxury of playing pranks without paying for it. But V used to be generous with her fee - she used to look at me with such pride and awe and wonder that I used to relish finding things for her. Now my two clients - P and Anu - get the work done free. When P looks for something, his firm belief is that either I must have misplaced it somewhere or I should have kept it in the right place, which I didn't. So the onus is of course on me to restore it. As for Anu, she just says, "Aayi, you know I'm not good at finding these things!" and then makes such racket that I'm forced to get it for her at the earliest.

Yesterday Anu lost something again. I made her look for it but she obviously didn't have any luck. Then I got into the act and found it for her and she said, "Aayi, you are one thing I cannot afford to lose!". It was a very clever and sobering compliment at the same time.

P is going for his nephew's wedding. I know people will nag him with questions on our absence but...Rishi is still angry with everybody out there after his chickenpox, I'm just not able to generate any energy and not in a mood to fake it.

Potato Flowers!!

Confession

When you are in high school, if somebody says your mom cooks something the best, you are proud. Today if they still say it, you are proud but also a little frustrated.

Cheers to all those happy Valentines out there! 

Life, Hair and Laughter

I showed Life movie to Rishi and I don't know if I did a good thing. His toilet problems are already near-legendary and now he's afraid of going to the toilet. He just finished the long season of competitive exams and today there were big celebrations when he told his friends that he was joining their game. They had an hour of corridor-light cricket.

V has got a boy-cut for the first time and is showing it off. L and A have also further shortened their hair. I'm going to trim mine by at least half a foot, I've decided now.

I miss working passionately. It's been quite long now and I remember those working-like-crazy days and I want at least half of that. It's a combination of me and the external factors and I don't know if I'll ever have the old enthusiasm back but I want it badly. Last week Jiang brought something new and I got excited and we discussed only to learn later about budget and stuff. I don't think I can go on this way for long. If I tell P, he brushes it aside as if I should be just thankful that I'm working at all.

There is a laughter club nearby. They start laughing around 7:45 - 8 and that is the peak time of my morning race. So depending on my situation, I either get further irritated or relax my muscles and smile. But recently they had gone silent for some days and I actually missed them.

Reality Check

Yesterday night's dream - I'm in Germany for a conference. There is a break and I go out for a stroll. The sidewalk is beautiful and as I walk, I'm overtaken by a middle-aged man jogging with his two dogs - one normal and the other huge one. We exchange smiles as they pass me, he looks Indian. After a while I crouch down to adjust my shoes and I can notice from the corner of my eyes that the jogger and his dogs have also stopped ahead of me and the big dog is actually coming towards me. But before I can react, the dog engulfs in a bear hug. I am aghast but am also surprised at the warmth and pleasantness of it. By now the jogger is near me and he apologises but I smile and say it is fine. Then we exchange details over a handshake and I ask him if he's from North Karnataka because his surname is very much like it. He says yes and guesses my origin also correctly and we go into a coffee shop. We continue talking till I get a call from a colleague about the conference and he gives me his number saying I should call him if I get free and if he's not babysitting he would join me for a walk. I smile and as he leaves I chuckle thinking of that nice dog-hug.

I sit for another session and then come out again in the next break. I go to a coffee shop and I'm looking for some nice cakes. But this one does not have them so I ask a girl nearby where I can get some. She tells me there is an excellent one nearby and as she tells me the directions, the pictures in a The Hindu article flash in my mind. It's the very same place!! I'm excited and I thank the girl but she decides to accompany me. We go along a pretty path and there are some curio shops around and I wonder if I should buy any.

The dream ended before I could taste any cake or I don't remember anymore.

There are two distinct food habits in our home. One which likes eating dosa with sweet stuff like bella, payasa or jam and the other which cannot think of doing such a thing. Rishi and I belong to the former and Anu and P to the latter. Anu is very vocal about her disgust of this habit but I'm a big fan of dosa and payasa together and if the payasa has been kept overnight in the fridge, that's the most delicious combo ever.

Meltdown

The countdown has begun now. By June our team will be downsized, my boss says, to half. Since that leaves us in sustenance mode, I presume I'll move out. I don't think we have shortage of work outside but it again puts me in uncertainty w.r.t. my working mode. So that's about four months now.

On a Knife-edge

When your cooking is racing against time, it helps if your knife is not very sharp.

Strange Things

Why is the idea of falling in love with a stranger so romantic? So many movies on this theme...this stranger is either moody or talkative, mostly straight-talking or sometimes even offensive which you find irresistible as time goes by, but pure-gold-at-heart always. This last part is obvious especially when you see this person in family settings. On the other hand, the guy or the girl who you knew for so long, or at least you thought you knew, suddenly turns out to be either a dull money-minded workaholic idiot or insensitive to all creatures who need some sensitivity or debauched and in other words, a perfect stranger to you now. What choice do you have anyway!!

A called me up on Friday and said she couldn't resist calling me up because the news was big. It seems during lunch Rajani said she was going to vote for Rahul Gandhi in the next elections. We have had enormous bickering on the topic and I really wanted to give out a victory whoop. But Friday of course was a sick day so I could only let out some sort of neighing which I did. It's been long since I sat on that lunch table and when A said the fourth chair was still empty, I missed it terribly. 

Ill-advised

I hate being unwell. Apart from the usual, there is the additional annoyance of having others behave as if you are just not sick. Yesterday night people were better; we got dinner from outside and P did the dishes but today I'm hardly improved but it's as if I'm looking as pink as ever! Sometimes I think Aayi, Parvati Akka and me are all the continuation of the same story and it's a miserable failure on my part, actually. I'm going to salvage some of that mis-management.

Playing with Fire

I showed Ghoomar to Anu. She was just not interested in Deepika Padukone's moves but was mighty impressed with the ladies dancing with the pots of fire on their heads. Her wish now is that I learn to dance like that and kept asking me if I could do it. I said I couldn't harbour any such ambitions.

Past, Present and Future

Today I have a hard time recognising Arnab as the guy who once said(I think it was 2013) that journalists should be careful not to fall in love with the politicians they cover. In those days I used to think he was shrill. Today I think he's an obsessive compulsive lover.

The Hindu has been regularly publishing articles on the MDR in India thanks to the malpractices and lack of regulations in animal husbandry and pharma companies. Things aren't improving and I don't know why enough is not being said about it. In smaller places antibiotics are prescribed at the drop of a hat and in some cases, just to cater to the patients' whims that enough is being done by the doctor.  I think the government should focus on bringing in large-scale awareness instead of confusing masses with unproven alternatives.

Talking of the The Hindu, the yearly subscription is so damn cheap that when I sell the old newspaper I almost break even. The deficit may be only due to the fact that I keep some of them for some future-reading. I don't know why they should keep it so low. Who among the readers today cannot afford a thousand rupees a year?

One release got over yesterday and the next is already on. But when the processes take more of your time than the release content itself, it's not a nice feeling. We need a new deal soon.