Surprise!

I got a book from my Secret Santa but unfortunately she doesn't seem to have opened the book before packing it. I can't read half the pages because the letters are all hazy!

Man of Letters

I like Somerset Maugham. I find his characters easy to relate to, I envy the varied experience he's had and as it turns out, I find some of his quotes echoing my own thoughts. I've read a couple of his novels before and now I'm reading his short stories and after some time my mind kind of anticipated what the end was going to be. But then, we are reading these stories a century later and I wonder how it would've felt reading them back then.

Solidarity

Peshawar attack happened and people are mourning and all our TV channels can say is "I told you so!" Is this the time?

Wishlist

Why don't they make a movie out of Jugari Cross? It has all the necessary ingredients. As I was reading it, various points of Shiradi and Charmadi Ghats were coming in front of my eyes. In fact, the book can be a prelude to the actual treasure hunt movie!

We're Crazy Fools...

So often, fantasy is so much more believable than the reality.

Find Your Humanity!

The other day, when I was coming by an auto from office, we got stuck in the traffic and it usually happens that the driver starts talking just to kill time. Mostly they talk about the roads and rain and sometimes they ask about your family or native place. This time the driver started about an operation he had to remove the appendix and the troubles he had had because of that. Traffic eased up but he continued and said he was asked to take rest but then he had to drive the auto to earn and he still had pains in his stomach because there was some other complication(I couldn't catch that part) and he had to get operated once more. All this while I was wondering why he was telling me all that and if he wanted me to do anything. The worst part is that in the end, he didn't want anything from me and I couldn't even mumble some encouraging words. I was ashamed of myself, really.

I guess it's because I've heard many a stories like this from my mother. Old and destitute ladies, people who luck has deserted totally and some times, even friends and kin who one can't see in misery. Sometimes she asks me explicitly to help them and other times, I do it voluntarily and make her happy. But it's always easy when it comes from my mother because otherwise when I hear them from people directly, I'm always at a dilemma - may be people just want a sympathetic ear and I may offend them by offering money? I never know.

Pretending to be Real

Anu asked me to hold out my palm so that she could give me a chocolate. I did that and she opened her empty palm on mine and I understood it was a 'pretending' game. I said vow and put the 'chocolate' in my mouth and chewed it and said it was very tasty. She laughed merrily and said, "But you didn't even remove the wrapper, you chewed it!"

Recycling

Sleep is the best medicine for many diseases. Or specifically for the common cold as I've learnt yet again. And movies are the worst enemies of sleep. As Nana Patekar cutely puts it, "Control! Control!"

I had a boss called Ghanshyam once and he was known to keep grudges. One day, we found a wedding invitation card on his desk addressed to 'Gunshyam'! I don't know if the girl(our colleague) put it deliberately but knowing his own reputation, I guess even Shyam would've given her the benefit of doubt.

Bleak

Things are not looking good. Suddenly we have a spate of resignations, we are trying to retain some people somehow, there is a lot of pressure from top brass to do 'something', we seem to be the in the limelight mostly for the wrong reasons...Difficult to see a silver lining at the moment.

The way Bangalore is having these child rape cases, men will find it very hard to get jobs in school. But the other day I read a female worker doing that to a girl and that was much more difficult to digest. Aayi says most of these culprits must never be opening a newspaper or a news channel so they don't even know it's a punishable offense! I said let's go back to the old days of drums then..."KeLrappo KeLri...."

Thinking of it, I want our Civic body to do that too - going around beating the drums. People just don't seem to understand that they are not supposed to throw their garbage anywhere and everywhere! Why is it so difficult to have some personal discipline?

Unknown Fears

On the way to office or back, I see posters of people - they just have a photo of the person with the date of their death, that's all. I see them so regularly nowadays that it's a little disturbing. I mean, they don't write how they died and at least half of them are very young!

Evaluating

Mind is wired to like each one in a different measure, right? I mean, one may say hundred things and you appreciate it but do not really care but then another says a small thing which gladdens your heart instantly! Chemical locha, really!

Thanks to the promotion mess, I'm in a totally messed up state. I went and fought with people but they would neither move me out nor give me an answer. P is upset too and these days we've stopped discussing anything but this. Of course things will return to normal and life will go on. Sigh!

Rishi with his Ajji at 8 months. He was her darling then. :-)

Reality Check

Dreams are wonderful. You may think something about yourself but they show you an entirely different side of you and do so many impossible things! It's amusing and it makes you start the day with a good mood.

If someone lies, who is to be held in contempt? The one who lies or the one who does not give you a honestly liveable environment? I'm only talking about domestic lies here.

I was watching Friends Season 8 and it was so charming to see Joey having feelings for Rachel. I mean, he's such a careless guy otherwise but now all of a sudden he's so restrained and so cute!

Unhappy Children

Today is Children's Day and we had quite an uproar at home early in the morning. Rishi has all classes except two and he was very unhappy about it. We tried to tell him he should raise the point with his teacher but he said he was sure he would only end up getting scolded so he decided to take his frustration on us. He said on Teachers' Day, all his teachers had a field day, they got decked up and were all happy so it was not fair to treat children in this manner on their 'day'. Of course in the end he got scolded by us also but we've decided to write to the school about it.

Holy Cows

With their supporters in power, even cows seem to have got bolder these days. With the already shrunken footpath, imagine having a huge jersey cow blocking your path! I had to get down from the footpath and somehow manage myself on the road itself.

Lull Before the Storm

Disappointment hangs heavily in the air. I'm not talking about Brazil but our new salary numbers which got announced yesterday. Unlike last year, somehow rumors were highly optimistic but what has come out is highly disappointing to majority, though people like me have no reasons to complain. Today at 10:30 in the morning it feels as if I'm working on a Saturday; you can count the people with 10 fingers on my side of the floor. As if even when people are not there, you can somehow feel their anguish and mute rebellion around. I doubt if anything will come out of it though. 

Praised and Flattered

A lot of compliments coming my way, of late. To begin with, the security ladies are all my fans. One told me that I was her favourite employee because I don't throw tantrums to get my bag checked. :-) And then another told me she liked me the best because I never used any make up.

Recently an outgoing colleague of mine(26 year-old girl) called me 'very pretty' during her farewell speech(!!) and embarrassed me in front of everyone. My hair of course has been getting attention as usual and a pantry maid stopped me to admire it and I blamed it totally on heredity and pointed my grey hair but she said what mattered was the amount of hair. I had to finally thank her and accept. But the worst in this department was a cab driver. I was walking to office and he slowed his cab and yelled at me asking if I was wearing false hair and sped off before I could say no!

But it was my boss who made me quite happy recently saying, "It would take some of us ages to reach the level of analysis that you do"!!. I for a moment was dumbstruck but recovered to be modest and say something consolatory. And finally, on Friday I got a certificate from a bank we support for 'my contribution towards the implementation"!!! I was very happy. I've supported many over these eight years but this is the first time I was getting something of this kind.

Nandavara Bridge, one of the earliest from my Cannon SLR.

For a Change

My boss is getting a new boss and I'm a little excited and a little nervous too. I have no reasons for being either, coming to think of it. I'm looking forward to the would-be meeting.

This view is from BedruguDDe, taken about ten years ago. I somehow used to think that I should keep taking pictures from there and over the years compare the changes around. Now it turns out that most changes have happened on BedruguDDe itself. One part of it is gone completely and everytime I look at it from our terrace, I feel an urgency to go there lest I find it vanished totally some day. The hillock you see in the picture - KursuguDDe or Cross Hill - has reduced too.

Going Home

Going both sides a week each, starting Saturday. Children are very excited and I'm anxious, as usual. Trips are no more fun, are they?

The other day Rajani and I were having one of these debates and I was countering her arguments that Bangalore has taken much more from us than given. I said while we all love to hate this place and would forever harp on how good our native places are, - though when we go there most of us come back shortening our trips or crib, citing the bad weather - we stay here all our lives and in the process, give nothing back to the city and make living worse for the original inhabitants. She said most of them had become richer. I said she was richer too but that didn't necessarily make her happier.

Actually my fear is that my place will no longer be the same the time I decide to return there.

Anu and her Maanu Dada

Prime Time

Today power outage in our area - in fact from sometime in the middle of the night itself - and I had a cold bath. Reminded me of my Hyderabad days when I used to take cold water baths mercilessly even in the deepest winter. And feel proud of it too! Must be the arrogance of youth, when you feel special just because you are young.

It's been more than 10 years since I left that place but I remember all the three houses very well, every room of them. Hyderabad will always remain very special to me, with so many fond memories.

Arlington Heights

Another place with 'different' memories, shall I put it? Good, of course.

Small Mercies

I finished "Mercy among the Children" and was disappointed in the end. It was as if the writer went out of his way to make life tough for the protagonist.

S seems to have turned a writer! He sent me some short stories in Kannada and they are nice.

The Brothers

I got The Brothers Karamazov and read it till 3 Saturday night. Of course I only finished it after skipping some pages and now will read it again. It's Ivan I can relate to and feel for and he's the hero as far as I'm concerned. Wish Dostoyevsky had written the next part/s too.

What am I doing otherwise? I watch "Mind Your Language" an episode a week, read "Despite the Gods" a page a week and launched an unsuccessful bid to watch "Dances with Wolves". Anu's school is taking most of my time and still makes me uneasy about the whole thing. She's not used to her new school yet and unlike her brother, does not get distracted easily by petty bribes. It's such a relief that tomorrow is a holiday and I think I should stop thinking about myself. May be Aayi is right; one should forget about books and movies till the kids grow up.

Sometimes when I see how such conflicting thoughts I have - going crazy about Karamazov(in an inspirational moment, I went to amazon and ordered 3 books, all of which I'm dying to read) and wanting to spend more time with the kids which in itself is no less exciting - I end up wishing I wasn't working. But I've yet again postponed it to next August. I'm a selfish creature, no doubt.

Yesterday we saw a full-arch rainbow. A beautiful one and at 6:30 in the evening!

Sizing the Impressions

Many people who I thought looked pretty robust last year seem pretty much thinned down these days. Anything to do with the fact that I've gained quite a bit of weight in that period?

Lull Before the Storm

Disappointment hangs heavily in the air. I'm not talking about Brazil but our new salary numbers which got announced yesterday. Unlike last year, somehow rumors were highly optimistic but what has come out is highly disappointing to majority, though people like me have no reasons to complain. Today at 10:30 in the morning it feels as if I'm working on a Saturday; you can count the people with 10 fingers on my side of the floor. As if even when people are not there, you can somehow feel their anguish and mute rebellion around. I doubt if anything will come out of it though. 

Hurrying Past

Days are going by quickly but I don't seem to have moved an inch...

Joy of Small Big Things

I sent an email to Wimbledon Social Media today and they published it in their live blog! I'm feeling like a big writer though I know they must be putting everything they get. :-)

The Giant Snake

Konkan Railway Line Across the River Sharavathi

Reminds me of a delightful story I read long ago in Chandamama where a giant snake makes a bridge across a river of lava....Of course dear old Sharavathi is only a happy memory except for on two occasions...I wanted to write about them but not today. I don't know how my weekends vanish.

Look-alikes

Why does Brad Hodge remind me of Kevin Costner?

V in 1985 Looking V Much like a Baby Elephant!

Apprehensively Eager

We've got a dinner party today and I don't know what to expect because we are going as guests of another team. Will I have company? In our team we typically have team-lunch so it's after a long time that I'm going out for dinner with a gang.

Unsavoury Thoughts

I made a cake finally and I can only say it was better than the bitter muffins I had made last month. Everybody was supportive of course, including my son who suggested we increase its 'appeal' by eating it with ice-cream. Great idea indeed! I only hope practice indeed makes man perfect.

While at it, I remembered that almost all the great chefs/bakers that appear in The Hindu's Metroplus happen to have left a plum IT job to pursue their culinary passion. I'm getting irritated with it. Was the job really so good? Did they not like their job or was it the other way round too? I see so many of them in workplace everyday who come just to finish the hours and go home. May be they were one of those people! I think people don't give software jobs the credit they deserve - they are mostly stable, flexible and not taxing for an average worker. I love my job most times and I don't think it's beneath my dignity to admit it.

Checks and Balances

Life is strange is indeed. Just when I think all is lost, it gives me hope and when I'm all set to fly high, it sows the seeds of doubt in my mind and brings me down to earth.

Anu at Six Months

My Favourite Things...

I watched The Bodyguard till 1:30 this morning and my eyes are on fire. Silly of me but I couldn't resist. I don't know why I drool over the romantic movies. And The Bodyguard is just my kind.

Bangalore is beautiful when the mayflowers are in full bloom and lay a red carpet both above your head and below your feet. Nature's beauty is so soothing and cheery.

Hopeful

Rishi says we Indians are lucky. Why? We are a democratic, socialistic and secular country. I said it remains to be seen.

1983

This was the year my father's first brother got married and here are some of the guests at home - my maternal grandmother(sitting leaning against the wall), my third aunt on her left( looking so slim) and Kumudakka on her right(looking the way I always remember her). Next year this time my grandfather would be no more, my grandmother's big kunkuma would vanish forever and V would be born some days later.

As for this wedding, all I remember is the stack of colourful plastic tumblers. 

Summer of 81!

We bought a HP all-in-one and it feels secure to have the dilapidated photos on the laptop. Here is the oldest - cousins in grandmother's place. Surprisingly Manjanna is missing.

We are eighteen of us totally and I'm the ninth one which means there were equal number to follow but I somehow felt we, the older ones were more. May be because I was more connected to the older ones.

Learning it the Hard Way

Nothing can cause more hurt than neglect. I'm glad because through someone else's behaviour towards me, I'm able to see and judge my own conduct towards others, especially SK. I must keep this as a valuable lesson.

Soapy Secrets

I'm yet to discover the beauty-potential of Dove soap - I'm a new entrant - but one thing I've discovered is that it takes more water to wash off the soapy feeling from your body. Or is that supposed to be the secret?

Today was a sort of eye-opener for me and I hope I go back to my good old days of minding my business.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

People have left me all alone at home after a long time. I don't even remember when it was the last time...was it ten years ago? Only two hours of sleep yesterday night and I've got to sleep...

I must travel to Mangalore by the day-train. Yesterday night thanks to lack of other options I looked outside the train window and suddenly realized we were in the ghats and after that the sleep left for a good one hour. I had seen the railway track up in the hills while traveling by the road and wondered if we really journeyed that way but it's much more awe-inspiring being up there! You see trees and endless darkness all below you and it feels as if you are somewhere in the sky, in some imaginary world. We kept going in and out of so many tunnels and somehow I wanted company, someone to sit next to me and marvel at the strange world outside us. Some trees were lit up with fireflies and when I looked further down, it was as if some fire had broken out at points! Then I realized it was the buses, laboriously winding up the road. It's an amazing feeling, really! I wanted to shout out to someone down there that I was far, far up in the sky....

Home is Where the Heart Yearns to be!

I'm going to vote tomorrow. Then I'm going to travel home! Eager to see the good old place. Plans for the remaining three days as of now - Pabba's, BedruguDDe and the dear old beach. Lighthouse? If they allow us. Wish I could meet Sir too but that's a difficult one to wish for.

Wronged Expression's

People have become very generous with apostrophe these days. They put them anywhere and everywhere, leaving the responsibility of deciphering them to the reader. Even people I thought had hobnobbed with apostrophe before are also acting strange! May be it's contagious! Incidentally, 'its' is the regular victim. 

Koi Taza Hava Chali Hai Abhi...

I want to just listen to some Urdu Ghazals at the moment. Beautiful words which mostly mean nothing to me...Reflects the state of my mind at present somehow.

Silent

Kids and parents left for my hometown today and the house is unbearably silent. It feels as if their echoes are still there...faintly. It's an odd feeling not to be disturbed when I'm working on computer, to be watching TV continuously, not to have Anu in my lap non-stop, not to hear them bickering....I'm a little apprehensive this time after what happened last October - Anu fell on the hot sambar vessel and burnt herself pretty badly - but I know my mother is going to try and prove a point this time. She is too busy when she goes there and I don't blame her for that, though....

Rajani and I have been arguing a lot on communicator these days but without any conclusion by the end of the day. She is stubborn and I don't want to give up. Everyday she reads about a new guy and picks up a fight with me and today I felt like going to her place and laughing, it was so childish.

Notional Losses

Had Karnataka had Assembly polls along with Loksabha elections, I guess Congress would've been the big beneficiary. Then Modi onslaught or otherwise, it would've won more thanks to the bad governance factor of the old regime. Now that topic is stale and nothing great yet to show for the new government. 

Scent of a Memory

Our lake is stinking again and it suddenly took me back to Ambigara Keri of my childhood. It's been ages since I have passed through it but the memories come quickly. To reach Taribagilu, our general boarding point was Tanmadige but sometimes we would miss the boat by a minute. Then the options were to either wait for the next one to come by or to run and catch it at the next stop, Cheenkodu. We usually took up the second one as a challenge because those were no motor boats and Ambigara Keri would be on the way. It didn't stink but had pervading smell of various nets and boats drying in the sun. As children, our task was to be civil to everybody we met on the way and yet maintain the pace. Occasionally we would meet Kariyanna, our favourite boatsman and he would talk pleasantries and we would answer them. But it was our community folks who I had a trouble with; many invariably asked if I knew who they were. It was easy to say yes, of course I knew they were one of our relatives and I had seen them here or there but to place the exact name on the faces...I would blush, they would grin and I would sheepishly admit I had forgotten it but yes, I knew them very much. I think every Brahmin in that place was our relative some way or the other...

Choices

I don't understand why Kejriwal had to contest from Varanasi. To prove what? He won't win anyway. To show off howmanyever votes he wins? I think it would've been better to contest from a place where he had a decent chance of winning. At least he would get a foothold there, do some good work and consolidate. 

Hits and Misses

I wanted to go to Somanathapura over the long weekend. But it seems children and I were the only ones for it and others came up with all sorts of reasons to discourage us. So we gave up and sulked for a while and gave up that also. I'm not going to give up that easily; if Pappa returns this week, I'll force them to come the next weekend.

Weekend passed happily enough otherwise. We bought an oven finally and my son is supremely happy. First thing we tried is the pizza and he says he's going to forget about Domino's now. I'm happy.

And then, we watched ULidavaru KanDante and I'm thrilled just like that. I can't make out what made me so happy. The language is all Mangalorean and so are most of the cast and it's great to have the authenticity for a change. I felt like whistling for Rakshit and I'm cajoling V to accompany me for a re-watch.

Young by Chance!

Our names are finally on the voter list. And guess what, they have put my age as 19!! My husband is complaining because his age is put rightly as 38! :-) Rajani said this was one more proof that women fudge their age everywhere. 

Broken

My grandmother's house is divided officially now. It all started just before my grandmother's death when my cousins who stayed there started started misbehaving with the money. After my grandmother and my youngest uncle's death, multiple rounds of fights(verbal, of course), reconciliations, back-channel negotiations happened finally resulting in court battle between the older uncles and the nephews. Yesterday it was all done with - the property is divided into two parts as of now - one for my youngest uncle's family and the other for the remaining siblings. Now everybody is waiting to see how the spendthrift boys will manage with the reduced income. I don't think I can ever go to the dear place again. Another part of my fairy tale has vanished.

Election heat is soring just like the outside temperature. I'm the only one supporting Congress in our house, our family or may be among my friends also. They can't imagine why I should be so foolish. I may be. I'm a loyalist who believes there are many good guys still out there and one day they may do a good job.

On a sweeter(hopefully) note, we finally bought an oven and the pressure is mounting on me to put it to good use. I'm nervous but I hope it's just the starting trouble. I'm going to be a pro in making eggless delicacies soon! 

Out of Place

After six days of staying at home, I'm reluctant to join the office back. I had a great time all these days, though it was very hectic. Children were very happy, as they always are when I stay at home, for more than one reason. I'm not a disciplinarian like my mother, may be because I'm not very disciplined myself. We listened to music, we watched a movie, we went for walks, we played games and we went to the terrace every evening and just sat there watching the evening sky. And I made them happier by making something everyday out of my limited stock of 'special dishes'.

Meanwhile I fell in love with Sunil Dutt. I think nobody looks better than him in dhoti and kurta. They don't come like that anymore, romancing through their eyes. Nowadays it's only banter. I went crazy and watched his three movies in two days. May be I chose the wrong movies because I felt he was playing second fiddle everywhere to the heroine. May be because heroine had more dialogues and more voice-space and I'm conditioned to think that's more important. It was as if he just stood there with a smile on his face listening to the girl giving vent to her passion....I was wondering about who else I felt like that before and then I realized it was Cary Grant. Watching Philadelphia Story and Notorious, I had thought just the same. Do they look similar too or is it just the black and white movies?

Going Musical

We are bitten by the music bug I suppose. We are at it all the time, listening to it of course, old Kannada songs, Hindi songs, Marathi songs, Bony M, Ghulam Ali ghazals, Hariprasad Chourasia, Zakir Hussain and anything else we find interesting on the internet. Right now my absolute favourite is Ghulam Ali and the kids love Bony M. I'm smitten by Mastana Piye Ja and have to resist the temptation of listening to it non-stop lest I make it lose its charm. Sometimes I think about that queen who left her husband and went to live with the wretched stable-boy who used to sing beautifully. I'm glad I don't have anyone like that nearby.

Raining Thoughts

My head is a mess. At this age, I can't afford to loose a screw like this and I've got to find it and repair myself quickly. But sometimes it's really difficult to get myself under control and I'm hoping something will happen, like in the past, which will leave me with no choice. I have a sabbatical coming up of about 2 weeks and I hope that will restore some order.

One jeep knocked me down some days ago and though I survived with only minor bruises, I'm a little jittery while crossing the road etc now. I'm not so fearless while walking, especially in the night, though my accident was in the daytime. I still enjoy walking within the campus of our tech park, though. It's the season of flowers again.

Both the kids love Tangled and we've kind of settled down to watching it once a month. Only thing that upsets Rishi is the kissing part. He thinks it's weird that they should kiss like that though they are not 'relatives'! Anu wants to watch it everyday. I told her it would spoil her eyes and she says, "Let's get a new eye then!"! She thinks she will get two things when she grows up - toe-rings and spectacles and she's baffled that some of us are not wearing spectacles yet.

The other day Rajani and I were talking about our respective colleges and when she said their hostel faced a hill, I told her about our sea. Had a guy not interrupted us, I would've told her about our rainy-night adventure also. I'm going to miss her!

We had women's week celebrations last week and in spite of all the 'discouragement' from the men around, we went for a mid-week movie show. It was Shaadi ke Side Effects and only problem was that I was sitting next to a spinster and while she occasionally smiled, I was feeling a little awkward to laugh at some of the scenes. But it was a good experience to have the whole screen for ourselves and we even threw out a guy who somehow strayed in after the interval.

Will AAP do well in Loksabha elections? I think it will eat into anti-incumbency votes.

Latest

She's the cutest person I've ever known.

Unexpected

One of our relatives passed away this morning after lying in coma for a week. He along with his wife and some friends were on a morning walk when a jeep hit them from behind. It seems a lit incense stick fell on the driver's feet and he lost control. Others suffered minor injuries but this guy was the worst hit and died in a Mangalore hospital. Pappa was crying today. He knew the guy from childhood and says he had come up the hard way to become a doctor, the only one in his neighbourhood.

My son alarmed me saying he was glad to have been born a Hindu. As I was preparing myself for a speech on tolerance, he continued, "because it has no Guru and no teachings". I was relieved and left it that. I must probe him sometime why it makes him happy.

Old Ties

I finished 'Indian Summer' and I'm in love with Nehru again. I've been his fan from my childhood and though I regard Gandhi with reverence, Nehru always was someone more human, someone one could emulate. Contrary to all the now-fashionable Nehru bashing, I think he did what best he could, even for Kashmir, under the circumstances. He was a good man with all the right ingredients and I find it fascinating that a rich and spend-thrift man like him could become the simple fellow that he was. Can't someone like him be born again and again?

With regard to Edwina and him, well, I think I can understand. 

Companionship

Rajani has become my latest favourite. I find her quite similar to me, be it interests or the small fears and inhibitions of day-to-day life. I like talking to her but I hope I don't over-depend on it, that generally happens with me. I also know somewhere deep down that this happiness is not going to last but at the moment I feel as if we were twins in some previous birth, only she seems the better one. 

Over the Top

I had a pleasant dream yesterday. It was like a picnic on a hilly area and everybody else was sitting on the slope while someone else and I were running towards the top while picking some things on the way. I couldn't figure who the other person was but it made me happy when I woke up.

Actually the one I saw the other day was very weird. There were two female agents and a guy with them and they were all staying for the night in some big building with pillars. Then one of the ladies came out to the veranda for a stroll and there was an enemy lady agent who followed her. Then after a while, the second good lady came out looking for her friend and got suspicious and took her pistol out when she couldn't find her. Then she came out to the lawn in front of the building and then suddenly the bad one threw the body of her friend from the top on her. I woke up and it was as if I was the second lady... Wonder why I saw it now, especially when I haven't watched any spy movie in a long time.

I met my favourite beggar lady and gave her twenty rupees because I had no change. She was shocked for a second and after that proceeded to caress my face, my head and shoulders, all the while mumbling some blessings. I seemed to have been shocked too; I think all that time I was just standing there, not even uttering a commonplace word.

Butterflies

There are only three people who make me feel self-conscious when I talk to them. I guess it's just that I want to impress them badly but it never happens that way.

Live Dreaming...

My life seems to be caught in a web of unending daydreams, vague hopes, false promises and dull realities...I'm just mesmerized by the routine and unable to summon the energy to break it. Is this called mid-life crisis?

Mallikarjun Bande passed away yesterday after some fight. Smiling and smart in his police uniform...and so sorry and odd on his deathbed...Can't they be protected against such injuries?

Something Cooking

I think ours will be a generation where many of our native recipes which had survived centuries will die an unceremonious death. It may have happened to some of them in the past generations also but I suppose the number will be much higher with us. Once we cross 30, we get too worried about how sick we are soon going to be and just get confused with what we should eat. We use olive oil, gulp green-tea with trouble, eat coloured rice, look for anti-oxidants in everything and make sure to check the labels for zero-cholesterol. I think we all need some more of physical labour.

We finally finished Gulabi Talkies. If actors like Umashree are there, directors will have half their job done. We watched Vamshavriksha also. I like Bhairappa's old novels much better.

L took Dracula in the end. Hope she likes it. There is one thing that's puzzling me about her, which is her treatment to her father. She loves her mother dearly but I find her hardly civil to her father. Of course she knows him better than I do but I've never seen her talk like that to anyone else. I'll ask her about it some day.

Stability

I'm getting irritated with myself again. I'm trying to be happy doing this and that but somewhere I find myself unhappy or may be, dissatisfied. I think the first thing I should do, which will give me a sense of control at least, is to leave office by 6:30, on most days. Wish me luck or will.

This Ashes series has been all about the menace of Mitchell Johnson and while rightly so, I've liked Haddin more. He has been more consistent than his top-order fellows but the best thing he's done is not letting the English have any sense of achievement by the end of an Aussie innings. I think that plays a big role when they come out to bat. Today he did it again along with Smith.

I've put on almost 8 kg in the last one year! The number shocked me because the only time I had ever gained weight before was during my pregnancy and I had shed it back immediately after. Now I'll have to struggle to keep myself at 58. Not bad yet may be. 

Just another promising new year...

New year again and old list carried forward. I want to travel, I want to meet new people and talk to people from different countries. I don't know why I have this bug in my head. Anyway, I've always wanted to do that and as L came and told me about her fellow-students from all over the world, I envied her for some time. And...I want to stay alone for a while in a foreign country. Of course I won't be able to do it now but at 45, may be...

L wants to take a book this time too but I don't know what to give her. I think most of the books I've read this time are sad and she doesn't want any of that. Only other kind that I know are some Victorian novels or Wodehouses and I don't want to give them. May be I'll try "Of Human Bondage" on her.