The Year Gone by...

My daughter is a year old! It's as if I saw her first only the other day and now it's a joy to see her walking all around the house mumbling some cute nonsense. She's trying to imitate what we say and do, she loves her father a lot, though I must admit she loves me the most. :-) Her relationship with her brother is not very consistent so far; vice-a-versa is true too.

We had a low-key celebration on her birthday which in itself was only thanks to the insistence of my son whose real motive was show off the new toy that his grandfather gave to his sister. But very few friends turned up thanks to the holiday season and were a little taken aback with the lack of any kind of 'real' ceremony. But they were decent enough not to express it in words and I think the off-season mangoes that my father bought made them happy enough.

The apartment living reminds me of my hostel days at times. But time is not in abundance as it used to be in those days and you see activities only during certain times of the day - like the mornings when kids go to school, next after an hour when most go to work, afternoons when kids are back from the school, then after a long gap, around evening when ladies group together to talk. But typically each floor is an island; you know there are people living elsewhere but they are not visible to you so you sometimes forget that they exist. So most of the occasions are celebrated among the floor-mates and the ladies follow that pattern too. Actually I hardly knew even these people before my daughter was born. After being at home for a year, I'm glad that I've socialized and made at least some friends along with my son.

Dazed and Drowsy

If last month I thought my life was hectic, I would call that life very decent now. Things have really taken a worse turn. My husband now travels to Whitefield everyday and is almost a visitor at home except for the weekends. And predictably he's very tired over the two days or wants to read some more about the work so they are almost gone too. So days are passing like a whirlwind for me managing my time between the schedules of the other three. My husband leaves home at 7:30 and does not appear back before 9 in the night. He sleeps around 10:30 and we keep each other company till then. My son wakes up at 7 and leaves for the school at 8:15 and returns at 3:15. He sleeps around 8:30. My daughter wakes up anywhere between 5:30 to 6:30 in the morning and goes to sleep in the night around 7:30. So I, forced to wake up with my daughter, see my husband off after breakfast, get my son ready for school and cook his lunch, put my daughter to sleep and rush to office around 9:30. Life in the office is hectic too, what with the damn list of never-ending issues. I rush back home around 2, reach home and gobble my lunch and give my daughter a bath and put her to sleep. Then I take stock of his school activities from my son who's back by now and make something for him to eat/drink. By this time my daughter typically wakes up and I put her back to sleep and if I don't sleep off in the process, I get to write my blog,read newspaper or go to the shop to buy something that has been missed out over the weekend. But those days are rare and most of the times I write imaginary blogs and mails and have monologues with my friends while I'm putting my daughter to sleep.

The evenings are even more hectic thanks to the swinging moods of my maid and her health. I feed my daughter,play with my son and her, also get my son to study and rehearse it, cook food for the night, feed my daughter again, get my son to finish his dinner, put my daughter to sleep, accompany my son to sleep and then, finally get to sit quietly on the sofa and wait for my husband to arrive.

The only silver lining, if I may call it so, is that the stock market is pathetic and my serial, worse than that. I mean, otherwise I don't know what would have happened to my spare time at all!

End of an Era

My dear grandmother is no more. I knew when it happened we would all feel very sad and it was inevitable someday but yet because it has happened so soon it is making me feel worse. I may take no real solace in the fact that I met her in October because that was hardly a meeting. In fact my last few meetings have been on similar lines owing to the fact that I'm always in short supply of time when I visit my native place and especially my maternal grandmother because I have to dedicate more time to my paternal grandmother's place which, to be frank, I have no interest in visiting. So I hardly remember what I said to her but I do remember that she wanted my daughter to be a big doctor just like one of the ladies from Karki who had made it big abroad. She was irritated that she could not find the newspaper to show that lady to me but she was mighty impressed with her.

That was my grandmother always. She was so active and alive to what was happening around her, in the world. She came from an educated family, all her four brothers very well read and doting on her. As far as I was concerned, I think I always loved her dearly, intuitively, even before I really understood anything. I lost my grandfather when I was five and the loss was felt more in the bitter tears that I saw my mother and aunts shedding. So it was my grandmother for us after that, like a mother hen in that big house which would be so full during two months of summer holidays. My family, sans my father who always managed to keep himself busy in holidays, would be one of the first ones to reach our native place though my paternal house was invariably the first destination. My mother was very clear about it and I spent my time there mostly with my father's cousin sister's family and always facing my grandmother's ire for it. But there was nothing to do for me in my father's place; there were no books, no magazines, nobody to play with and nobody to talk to. All my grandmother wanted to do was to oil and comb my hair and my grandfather, well, though I have seen him in his very good and really bad moods, was hardly at home. Compared to this, my aunt's place just below our own was heaven; it had books and though I laugh at them now, my idle mind devoured all those cheesy criminal stories and pathetic melodramatic plays that used to be stacked up in that house. Of course there were better options too; all of them played chess very well and I learnt my chess just by watching them play. And my uncle was a very good storyteller and could make us laugh to no end with those silly stories and he was very patient with us too. So when my grandmother's angry call pierced my happiness, I would sulkingly run to curse my food and again run off in the evenings to another happy destination - my mother's friend's place. More about it some other time.

Now, coming back to my maternal grandmother - so it was after spending some 2 weeks of this life that my mother would permit me and later my sister to go to her place, when one of my aunts/uncles/cousins came to fetch us. I was always very glad to see them and was impatient to leave but my joy was mostly shortlived, because I could not bear to spend the nights without my mother. It sounds very childish now, but even till my 9th standard, I remember crying bitterly in the nights thinking of my mother who looked so near yet so far(it was 8 kms distance between the two places) and my sister and I alternately would cry and console each other. My older cousins tried hard to help, Manjanna tried to get me out of it by making royal fun of me but it was no use and once my finally exasperated grandmother asked me why the hell I came there at all. I think that shut me up for that season.

My grandmother was not the kind who was mushy in her love for children. I don't remember her ever cuddling me, hugging me or calling me with any of those sweet names. But she was that way with all her 18 grandchildren and I didn't mind it at all. I do remember the occasions she was upset with me - she rarely had the time but once when she combed my hair, she got angry with my tantrums and gave it up never to do it again and once more she was really angry with me for insulting Goddess Lakshmi by cutting my nails in the evening. But I always knew she loved us, even when she called me plainly, 'Tangi', as was the practice. She was busy in those days, cooking this or that for the clan and the visitors but she always asked us about our studies and about the people in our place she knew. There was general freedom for the children which we did not misuse as such and there was so much to do. Children were entrusted with so much of work like seeing the cows off for grazing, overseeing the calves, calling one or the other uncle from the coconut plantation, bringing something from the nearby shop, posting letters, guarding the huge load of coconuts when they were cut and dried, picking arecanuts, being proxies in some mandatory ceremony in the neighbours' place and so on. We always felt proud in discharging these duties and we were pampered with delicious mangoes after we returned.

I could go on and on like this because some of the best memories of my life are built around my grandmother's place of which she was the backbone. We were financially struggling in those days and the 20 Rupees she used to give me meant a lot to me. When I joined college, she was worried because she had read about ragging in the newspapers. Engineering gave me offseason holidays so for the first time I spent time with her when nobody else was around and helped her in the only Ganesha Chaturthi I attended there. She was eager to know about college life, was irritated because her vision had slightly deteriorated so she could not read easily. My marriage must have given her pain but she never spoke to me about it. I never felt her love change because of that and it meant a lot to me.

I think the best thing about my grandmother was that she never forced her views/herself on anybody. Her children adored her and she had a cordial relationship with all her daughters-in-law and a very close alliance with the daughter-in-law she stayed with. I've never heard her quarrel or talk cheaply about anyone. Even when she criticized someone, she was always smiling as if to say, life is like that. She saw the world change and took everything in her stride, even when all her brothers, a loving son and a dear granddaughter passed away. I think the biggest blow to her must have been when her youngest son broke his back and I had thought he would die in front of her very eyes and that would kill her. But she didn't let that happen and passed away quietly. I wish there were more like her. I wish I could be like her.

Addicted to....

Trading! I knew people in my office traded even during working hours and I used to think quite low of them but now I wonder if they are just not able to come out of that addiction. Because I've got hooked to trading in the past one year and I know how bad it can be. Nowadays the market is swinging like a pendulum so my obsession has receded a bit but a couple of months ago...

Suddenly in my life I find myself doing things that I never thought possible. I've started watching a serial, that too not a serious, issue-based one as such. I think I'm a diehard romantic and added to that, I also realised that I'm quite a fan of Mohnish Behl. And yes, I've got addicted to cooking!! I mean, I want to cook something new every weekend and I must say I'm enjoying it. The results have been mostly good and at times not so but it has not dampened my appetite for more. My son is the biggest beneficiary of these experiments and the biggest critic too!

My daughter is walking and walking well. My maid has a terrible cold for the past month or so and the kid has been the victim. Well, the only solace is that she's eating well, almost everything that we eat and seems to be loving it. In fact, if we eat anything not giving her, she protests and comes to eat us!

Maid of Honour

We tried out homeopathy medicine for the first time for our maid whose cold and cough are just not going even after 20 days. Though the doctor assured her that the cough would go in two days(that was 5 days ago), nothing has happened so far and I can see that she would want me to take her to another doctor next time. But with the recommendations that I've received for homeopathy, I want to continue with it for some time.

Coming to maids, I don't know how it happened that way, three out of the four maids I've had so far have been illiterate, the other one having flunked her 9th standard. I asked my current one to learn reading at least but she says she does not need it! She was very eager to own a mobile but I don't see the same eagerness in learning to operate it on her own. She's very content asking me to check whose call she missed and if the battery is low etc which I would like her to do herself. It's sometimes funny just to observe her mannerisms and thought processes. She's proud of the fact that she owns a camera phone whereas neither of us has one; if her wish prevails, she would want every jazzy stuff that our neighbours have bought by us too; she loves gaudy colours as a rule; she wants my children to be under her firm control(once she fought with me that my 4 old son cries when I go out of the house!!); never wants to admit that she's done a mistake, however big or small it may be; is very clean both in person as well as money matters; hates chocolate in all forms because it looks dirty!

My maid, her mother and both her sisters and all the ladies in her house(she has only a nephew for a male member) have worked in some or the other house almost all their lives but all of them still live a hand-to-mouth life. She had worked for a good salary for the whole of last year yet when she had to come here, she had to borrow money for the travel expenses of 400 rupees. I asked her what happened to all her earnings and she says some of it she's given as a loan to somebody and the rest of it simply vanished for running the house. Life in a village is painful as I can see - people drop into the house from nowhere and can stay on till they please if they are close relatives. Hardly anybody helps you in real need but will do anything to spoil your chances. My maid has almost singlehandedly got a decent house built for herself and her mother but now she says there are two more permanent residents and innumerable people who pile on every day. The PDS system in her place is the worst I have seen - their BPL card gets grains at a price higher that what an APL card in my place gets! And what they get is hardly enough for the month even for the card members alone. But one thing, whether good or bad I can't say, is that she is not worried about the future too much and is very happy with the current state of affairs. When I look at her in such state of bliss, it makes me have another look at my own life and the worries that are almost constantly at the back of my mind.

Going Native!

Days are just flying! The last time I had started writing this, I was all set to go on our journeys and now it's already 10 days since I'm back! Well, it looks like ages ago that I went home! Don't know when I'll get to go next because I'm all set to join work next month and no leaves this year for me as I've exhausted all of them. My daughter will give a tough time to my maid for sure but thankfully I have half-day work at least for the next six months.

The trip to my in-laws' place got cancelled because of this Telangana business. I hate those idiots inconveniencing so many people for something which anybody who is sane will know is not worth it.My mother was greatly worried about carrying the baby all the way to Takli so she must've been a relieved soul apart from the fact that she got to be with her darling granddaughter for another week. She loves her a lot, really. My father too likes the fact that the kid wants him to take her around because my son when he was small hardly got along with anybody other than my mother and his.

My daughter has got three teeth now, she's very proud of the fact that she can stand without support and walks holding the sofa. She's talking a lot of gibberish too. Her food is typically dosa/idli/upma in the morning along with some curd, raagi and rice before bath and afternoon nap, arrowroot after waking up, cooked vegetables and apple in the evening. She does not like sweet stuff whatsoever and that's probably the reason she hates Cerelac too which I bought last month keeping the journey in mind. I like it well enough so I guess I'll have to finish it now!

Hibernation

Don't know how the past months have passed, really! My daughter is already 8 and a half months old, my son is about to celebrate his 7th birthday next month and I have only one and a half months to rejoin the office. One good thing is that my first maid is coming back and I can do half day for six months after joining work.

The kid is growing fast, she sits, stands holding things and at times even stands without holding anything. It is inviting trouble to leave her unattended even for some time these days. She's got two of her lower teeth too and bites everything that she can get hold of. She loves her father and brother a lot and their voices can take her out of her deepest sleep(as I realized after 15 mins of effort to put her to sleep)! She's cute, not fussy, loves to be outdoors or in the balcony but keeps catching cold thanks mostly to her brother. Her present toys hold no attraction to her and I'm at my wits end to supply her with something interesting every day. She imitates some of my actions like putting the tongue out, tightening the fist, clapping etc and can say words like "atta", "tata", "dada" etc. She wants to eat everything that I eat but her own raagi she hates the most. It's a wonder to me how she manages to resist my hand with the swift movement of her own however quickly or from whatever angle I try. She has selective stranger anxiety I must say.

My son is growing tall too - he looks easily like a 5th grader. One thing that has come about after we got busy with his sister is that he has started playing with the boys on our floor which he had always resisted before. Of course it has its own problems because since he's not used to hitting anyone, he used to get beaten by smaller boys and come home very dejected. But I guess he's mostly in control of the situation now being the eldest boy in his group and the tallest.

Bringing up Baby

14-Feb-2011
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The first vaccination is over and as expected a tough night it was. The doctor advised us to try out the regular "Easy Five" this time and we were ready to face the fever. But we'd forgotten the pain aspect and the kid really cried badly after 2 hours kicking her thigh. It was so bad that I saw my mother crying after a very long time; I don't think she cried during my son's time. Surprisingly I didn't cry; may be I had finished my quota last time around. She was subdued for the next two days but back to normal now.

My husband is in Delhi for the Ukraine visa. Thankfully it's going to be a week's travel; I've had enough of them. My son is very upset with the thought of not having Baba around for 'so long'. I think the arrival of baby has brought them really close. It's as if my son has realized that it's only Baba who dedicates enough time for him. I'm happy for my husband; he adores his son and this is what he always wanted. I could hear the happiness in his voice when I told him how badly his son cried after he left for the airport.

The kid has started observing things around and the ceiling fan in her room is her favourite. She has started smiling now and we are all jealous of the fan because she smiles the most at that thing. Every morning when she wakes up, she would look at it and smile as if it said good morning to her!!

Many people around me are surprised that we went for the second child, me being a working woman. My colleagues have spoken it out too. I have told them it is because I want my son to have a sibling, a feeling of affection and responsibility towards the sibling and some good memories to have through that relationship. I know that I can speak more freely to my sister than my parents and the memories of our times together in childhood and later have brought many smiles to my face and I hope my son will also be as privileged. But I also think I wanted the baby for my own sake too. I mean, I had started missing holding that tiny thing and that feeling of warmth and love that comes out of you whenever you look into your baby's eyes...it's a wonderful feeling, really.

Road to Recovery

1-Feb-2011
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It's been a tension-filled fortnight for us - what with my stitch getting opened with multiple wounds in spite of my doctor dressing it up twice and myself eating enough fruits and vegetables as suggested by her. I even gave up my stomach-belt fearing that it may have caused the whole mess by putting pressure on the lower belly but that didn't help either. On the contrary, now I have a tummy which according to my mother makes me looks 4-month pregnant and to rub it in, my son asked me if I have another baby inside, it seems he wants a brother now!!! I told him as nicely as I could that he'll have to do with cousin brothers who he has in plenty.

May be my doc got frustrated too - after the second dressing, she suggested a homeopathic medicine for the wound. I was a bit skeptical in the beginning but it's worked well for me so far. The wound is healing well and the medicine is Calendula tincture. My mother is thinking of taking it for my uncle's bedsores now.

The kid's acne too is finally reducing. She has put on some weight too and my mother has an easier time giving her bath.

My father will be here next week. Poor thing has been alone at home for so long after many years and it's nice to see my mother already thinking of some special dishes to make while he is here.

Trouble in the Paradise

21-Jan-2011
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All is certainly not well at the moment. I have developed some pain around the stitch. I have been careful not to exert pressure during my toilet trips but coughs and sneezes have not been easy to stifle.Also, doctor may not have known it, but laughing out loudly also hurts equally. Especially if my mother opens her treasure trove of stories of childhood, it's not easy to sit quietly. At one point it hurt so badly that I had to ask her to stop telling me anything funny. Besides, there are mosquitoes in the room, however hard I try to deny them an entry. At one point I stretched myself in a hurry to kill one and I think my lower belly got pulled. God knows, now I'm feeling I became overconfident and did a mistake by not leading a subdued life as advised by my mother. The worst part is I never had any problem last time around so I don't know how to deal with this situation at all. I asked my neighbour how her experience was and she said her second one was tougher too; it took around a month to heal completely. That is a bit of a solace because I reckon I have another week for a month!!

But all this is getting on my nerves I guess; I'm becoming easily irritable. The other day my mother and our maid were having a lengthy discussion on her domestic affairs and the baby woke up. I had just then put myself on the bed and thought my mother would come any time but no, their discussion continued. For some reason this got me so frustrated that before long I was sobbing thinking how neglected I am. I had to pull myself together reminding myself of Dr. Raghuveer's remarks - keep yourself in a happy mood if you want to feed your baby well. My nose got blocked after crying and I was curt with my mother when she came in finally. All for such a silly thing!! I wonder if this is called post-natal depression or whatever they call it.

Big Brother

12-Jan-2011
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My parents-in-law have left and have promised to send other relatives after a week or so. We have counted our stock of beds and bedsheets and it looks satisfactory.

The baby has developed acne on her face, neck and chest. They've come out like rashes and it's a sorry sight. I've prevailed over my mother not to apply oil on her face but I don't think it's helping.

My first activities with the baby have been to test her faculties. After a couple of tests I was sure that her eyesight was fine but hearing remained in doubt for some time. But now I'm assured of that too - the cooker whistle makes her jump and the dog barking outside wakes her up. She squints a lot which is a matter of concern to my mother apart from her colour. It seems one can make out how fair one will be by looking at the ears(!) and by that yardstick my girl does not seem fair enough. I guess squinting is her way of looking at things nearby and I tell my mother that my son was of similar color and she didn't seem worried then. She says it's fine for boys but helps if girls are fairer.

My son is looking very big all of a sudden. It's as if he was a baby till a month ago and now that there is a real baby now, he looks like a grown up - his head, hands and legs all of them. So we are treating him like one and poor thing must've been bewildered by this sudden change. But I must say he's taken it in his stride. We too realized our mistake and make it a point to praise him in front of his little sister and I love to see him bashfully proud.

My neighbours have paid their visits and my son has claimed all the things that they have brought for the baby. His diktat is clear - all the gifts and toys are to be bought only in his name; he will share them with his sister. We are only glad to accept the formula.

What's in a Name??

There has been a steady stream of visitors this week - my friend Bhavana, her mother and daughter, my friend Lavanya and her mother, my cousin with his wife, my parents-in-law and our family friend Mayya Mama and Shashikala Auntie. The naming ceremony is on 9th but we haven't finalized a name yet. I've always thought of Aditi as my daughter's name but both my husband and son are not for it - flimsy reasons both - and I can't think of any other.

The baby has not taken kindly to the bath. She howls the moment oil falls on her body and of course not very keen on water either. There are two more girls of the same age group in our building and it's very confusing when one of them cries.

My bath of course is a much more elaborate process. I shamelessly get an oil massage from my mom, she gives me a bath too and the water is piping hot - the rule being that I should be sweating profusely as I come out of the bathroom. My mother silences my objections with a warning that my face would otherwise bloat up. God knows how that is, but I can't take such risks at this age so I just hold my breath as the water almost burns my skin. Anyway, that's not the last of the ordeals. Next I have to hurriedly tie a saree around my waist. This is the stomach belt that gives me support as well as helping me in shrinking my tummy. Next is the worst part. There is a concoction given to mothers in our parts. It is called 'kattaNe' in our language and consists of water boiled along with coriander,cumin, black pepper, dry ginger, nutmeg, clove, dry turmeric and jaggery. The mixture is fiery and I can't help wincing as each short gulp goes down my throat. This makes me sweat some more and with burning tongue and throat I slip under two sheets feeling drowsy and praying that the kid doesn't wake up for at least half an hour more. Of course it's not that I have to put her to sleep or anything; my mother will be right there to do that thankfully.

The name is decided by my son finally. It is Ananya. My mother is not happy but he puts his foot down. There is also a row on how the naming ceremony should be performed. My mother-in-law says ideally there should be four ladies for four sides of the cradle which reminds us that there is no cradle at all. My father parcels my son's through a night bus the next day. The question of ladies remains, though. We don't have the guts to suggest it to my husband who has already established that he does not like elaborate ceremonies. We do venture to suggest the neighborhood ladies as the solution with expected results. After some heated arguments, coaxing and cajoling, we have a workaround - my sister, mother, mother-in-law and myself are the four ladies for the cradle, the priest from the nearby temple will perform the naming and the neighborhood will have to be content with sweets. My parents-in-law go and bring the priest along. My son for some reason is very excited at the sight of the priest; he insists that all the people in the house go and greet him which of course I refuse to do.

The baby and I wear new outfits for the ceremony; the baby being thin, the dress hangs on her body like a bag and my saree being starched cotton, stands out like an umbrella. The priest is in a hurry - at least my husband believes so - and so the naming ceremony gets over quite quickly. The reluctant pair - my husband and son - go out and distribute sweets around. We can anticipate more visitors in the coming days....

The First Week...

Today is the day of first inspection both for the baby and me. Mine passes off fine enough but the baby has a harrowing time. We are to retest her TSH and it's difficult to hear the cries as they draw a syringe full of blood. My mother is very angry with us for subjecting her to this and hardly talks to us on the way back. Good thing is that the report is satisfactory the next day and my mother is happy that both of us can take bath tomorrow onwards.

The kid is doing fine sleeping most of the day and not so well in the night. My diet this time is better than last - I eat two dosas/3 idlis for breakfast along with coffee, half my usual quantity of rice along with sambar, curry and rich curd for lunch, an apple, a couple of rusks and coffee for the evening snacks and same as lunch for dinner. Of course I long for more, especially in the mornings but wouldn't dare to suggest such a thing to my mother yet.

My bowels are finally cleaned regularly. I had such a struggle for the first few days that I used to sweat at the thought of going to the toilet. On top of that some problem with my kidneys too. I think all because of giving in to some old advice and not drinking water properly. But my mom was not worried at all. She kept insisting that diarrhea is worse!

My sister's mother-in-law, sister-in-law and her husband have come over the weekend to see the baby. The kid sleeps through all our talking and the noise my son makes and it's nice for a change because my son used to be wake up at even the smallest sound.

Here is the kid's photo after the first week.

31-Dec-2010 - Home Again!

The sun shines brightly upon us this morning but the doctor's strict orders say that since the weather is not very good, the baby won't have bath for a week. My mother is very upset and gives numerous examples wherein the baby had bath right from day one. Nevertheless, he says the baby is fine except for one small thing - the TSH is a bit high so we have to re-test it next week. My tummy is a bit lighter and I can eat normally today onwards.

My husband's calls to various parties to inform about the baby's arrival are on. Some are upset that they got the news late, some even call up and complain that he didn't call them up directly. What row!

The settlement is over - the bill is 56k, 6k from our pocket. My father paid only 22k last time around but we console ourselves that it is after all Bangalore. But I want to complain to my doc about how they treat her patients - she's not an in-house doc there. While they go and visit other patients, they hardly came to see me after the first day. So my biggest question for the day remains - passing motions. I haven't done it for two days and the doc has warned me that for the next 2 months I'm not supposed to exert pressure. Of course I'm not allowed to sneeze or cough either. And no green chillies and sour stuff. And I'm supposed to eat a lot of vegetables and fruits. I love them anyway but my mother scoffs at it. Don't you simply go by what they say and start drinking cold water and eat anything and everything, she says, once the tablets get over you'll be in trouble. I guess I'm going to give in to her wisdom.

So at 2:30 p.m we pack our bags and leave for home. The taxi driver is horrible - he takes the bad road in spite of our suggestion otherwise and I'm scared my stitches would come off everytime the car jumps on the bad Ulsoor road. I do survive and as I enter home, there is a nice feeling of coziness. But we haven't done our homework well - there is no crib and the window is laden with dust. It is dusted soon, we decide upon not having a crib for the time being and the baby is installed on the cot.

30-Dec-2010 - The Third Day...

A better day as far as the pain is concerned though the rock remains in my tummy. So I refuse the painkillers though there is a little pain left yet but the nurse raises eyebrows and goes ahead and gives me one nevertheless. Another nurse gives me a sponge bath. My husband jokes looking at my tummy that the doc must've left another baby inside. It doesn't matter for now because all I know is that today I can have solid food! It's going to be only 2 idlis and coffee but I'm dying to eat anything!

I actually feel like a born-again mother as I hardly remember anything of use from my previous delivery time six years ago. I ask the nurse if the heaviness in my stomach will go in some days. She gives me a weird look and says yes blandly. I wonder if she's ever had an operation in her life and figure it's better to ask my neighbour at home who's had a second C-section about a month ago.

My son refuses to go home so my husband goes alone to send my father with lunch for me. The boy is in a bad mood today and it takes all our patience to keep him from going berserk. His initial excitement has given way to concerns that he's being sidelined by one and all. He shouts more than my raw nerves can stand, wants to lie down alongside me in my narrow bed and I'm worried that he may throw his legs about and kick my sore tummy. He's not happy with any of the books he's got and I ask him why in the world he didn't go home. He complains that I've stopped loving him and all the endearments that I used to bestow on him are now being showered on the baby. As my father pulls him out of the room for a stroll, he mutters, "I'm sure she's my step-mother, always scolding me. On top of that she doesn't even admit it!"! I'm dumbstruck for a second but burst out laughing. Ouch, it hurts!!

My doctor comes in after a while and she's surprised to hear that the baby is entirely on breastfeed. She examines me and says I look fine and if the pediatrician gives a go ahead, we can go home tomorrow. But we'll have to wait and see - today is the BCG day. A nurse takes the baby downstairs and I can hear the poor kid crying a while later. Don't know if it is that or a stomach problem, the baby gives us all a tough time till early morning. Then she passes motion and sleeps off leaving the rest of us grateful for a chance to catch some sleep. Of course my son is fast asleep throughout all the commotion.

Memoirs...29-Dec-2010

The pain has subsided a little after a wretched night during which my husband has had a tiff with the night-duty nurse who is nowhere to be seen when the next dose of painkiller is to be given. My husband has had a tough night too along with my son sleeping in a 5x2 area. The kid has been peaceful more or less feeding on Lactogen. I've hardly slept a wink and am glad to see the daylight appear. One thing I know the morning will bring is more nurses and some doctors and hopefully we'll also get our bigger room. As it turns out, the room is not vacant yet, the nurses come in but have utter disdain for all my worries. One even reprimands me for my lack of patience. I keep my mouth shut. My doc arrives at 1 p.m and only asks me to move my legs up and I have trouble doing so with the right one. She asks me to move sideways too which is a Herculean task for me considering the fact that it feels as if she left a rock inside my stomach while operating. I somehow manage to feed the baby lying down and wonder how they learn the art of sucking. My sister has taken the day off and spends it with us. She says the baby looks like my son and it reminds me of the time he was born. My father too has arrived from hometown this morning and he comes in to send my husband and son home for a bit of rest. My son leaves reluctantly but promises to come back in the evening. Evening arrives to see me feeling much better though my mouth is dry not having had a drop of water. My son and husband arrive, my father and sister leave for the day. We finally move into the bigger room with a lot of fanfare. My son inspects all the gadgets in the room immediately but its no much use really - The TV doesn't work, we can't use the microwave oven because we don't have containers for it and the cradle is just a box, we can't rock it. There is enough space for all of us to sleep comfortably with our bag and baggage. But today the baby has decided not to sleep much in the night having exhausted all the sleep in the daytime probably. My mother gives her company and my husband helps her in changing the diapers. I look on amused as neither of them has done it last time - using the diapers - and may be the result shows - the nurse who comes in around midnight reprimands them for the shoddy job. I get some sleep thankfully.

Memoirs from the Maternity Room

I have a daughter now!! :-) She's already 6 weeks today and it's also immunization time. Hope the poor thing will not find it too hard to bear the pain...

Anyways, just so that I can read it later sometime, I want to write an account of my time so far. So here it goes...

December 28, 2010
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What should've been a routine waiting day has suddenly turned the D-day. When I wake up from my regular rest at 12:30 p.m, I realize that the liquor(when I read this word the first time, I thought it was wrongly typed, but no!!) is leaking. I call up my doctor who says I should get admitted if it repeats.Nothing happens for a while so I go ahead with my lunch. But my mother is cautious and serves me a bit more saying I may not have the dinner at home. To confirm it, the liquor leaks again after the lunch. I'm all set to pack now but my mother is optimistic this time - she says let's wait once more. I say fine but call up my husband at office nevertheless to come home right away. By the time he reaches home half an hour later, my leakage has intensified, my mother is all set to go and I'm at boiling point. We rush with my son to the hospital with me getting labour pains too and definitely not in a good shape as far as liquor is concerned. I'm wheeled into my room as soon as I reach the hospital but much to our disappointment, it is not the room we had asked for and a much smaller one - the other one is still occupied as we are two days early. Anyway, that's hardly my concern at the moment - I don't know what to make of the leakage - is it normal or bad? I ask every nurse that enters the room but they just say it's fine, doctors will know more. Soon an in-house gynac comes and examines me. She calls up my doc right away and says I'm far from the normal delivery yet but the leakage is bad. I talk to her too - she says she's coming right away and it's going to be LSCS again - my second one. I'm only relieved but the OT is occupied even when my doc arrives half an hour later. She reprimands the nurses about not having checked the baby's pulse which worries me a bit too. They do it after a prolonged search during which time my already-high pressure must've gone up definitely. But I do faintly feel the movements inside which relieves me a bit.

It's status-quo as far as OT is concerned till 4:30 p.m and I'm worried that my doc may disappear from the scene. But finally around 5, I'm made to change into the hospital gown and enter the O.T. Anesthesia etc follow and I can almost see my lower tummy being cut and pulled apart like a plastic bag. Some more cutting and pulling and I'm feeling giddy and I tell the assembly of doctors and nurses so. They say it's fine and I continue staring at the overhead bright light which blurs occasionally. The spell is broken when I hear the baby cry as they remove it from my tummy. It's music to my ears and I can't take my eyes off the baby as they place it under the warmer. I can see the face but I can only figure out that it looks healthy so I ask what baby it is. My doc says it's a healthy girl and I'm pleasantly surprised as somehow everyone had made me believe that it was going to be another boy. I can hear the blood gushing with a 'whoosh' while my doc does the sewing. She leaves the room after a while for the nurse to give the final touches and as I move out of the room I see the poor baby still under the warmer wailing sweetly. I ask why it is not coming with me and they say they'll keep it there for a little more time. So I come out alone and as they wheel me up to my room, I meet my mother, husband and son waiting outside, my son looking anxious all over. I wink at him and he gives me a faint smile and we all enter our room.

The baby has not yet arrived even after an hour and my husband has bought the necessary things. My father and in-laws are informed about the baby and my mother is talking to my aunt. I'm wondering when I would feel alright below the waist and my mother out of her call informs me about the death of a lady out of high dosage of anesthesia. Some help that is!

In another 10 minutes the baby comes in, wrapped in white and all fuss over her, my son very excited at her sight. I'm still numb below the waist but after another hour the pain has set in and how! When my sister, brother-in-law and his father step in after a while, I can hardly suppress my moaning and ask some civil questions. Thankfully the nurse comes in after a while and gives me the painkiller and I look at her with reverence when she says there will be more of them for the night.