Seeing Myself...

This Friday, one of my teammates quit and he was the first one to leave my team in a long time. I had kind of prepared for my speech but got a bit nervous somehow. He's a good guy, not great but good. Unlike the previous two ex-teammates of mine who embarrassed me by going ga-ga over how good a human being I am in their farewell mail, this guy wrote a usual thank-you-all one and I was expecting that. So I was all set to get back to work when I saw this guy along with his batchmate who's the next to go standing next to my seat. I've hardly interacted with the other one who's in another team but it was him who started off on a farewell note. It was as if he was going to make up for all that we'd never talked about before. And they both talked for one hour! My teammate was mostly playing the supporting role but this guy was like - how he thought I was a strict person when he saw me first, how brattish they were when they came in, how proud they felt entering the office first, how they wondered if they really deserved it, how people back home thought about them, how good our team was compared to others, how they came to love the product, their salaries, their apprehensions about the next job, how naughty the other one really is, how cute it looks that all the heads of our teams(My colleague, my boss and myself) have food together every day! He even said he felt nice observing that I had interest in cricket and I had espnstar open quite a few times!! I talk quite freely with my teammates but I wasn't prepared for this barrage! My boss came and joined for a while and went off. So did couple of others and it became quite awkward for me in the end when people started giving us glances. I don't know what all I said.

I'm not very good when people have high expectations from me but it happens to me every now and then. Someone coming and telling me about the kid they never wanted to have, another on how he wants a child but his wife does not and so on...I try my best to give them the advice I think is the best but I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I think men need women to confide certain things and given that I'm older than all these folks and may look trustworthy(which I assure I am, I've never gossiped about these things), they come to me I guess. Alright, may be some use I am!

Hissss.....

Today the kid excitedly called us up and said he had seen a snake in our yard and that he screamed and dropped everything he was holding and ran into the house. It seems the snake was medium sized and he was scared that it would bite him. Actually he's very fond of the snake stories that my husband tells him but it was his first live encounter with one, that too alone.

When we were growing up, we lived in the middle of trees with a Nagabana nearby which used to have visitors except for us only on Nagarapanchami. Huge anthills were very common in the area and so were big snakes. Pappa who used to come in the middle of the night after his AIR duty never used to carry a torch with him and somehow managed not to get bitten by the snakes he almost walked on. I have seen a cobra, a king cobra and umpteen number of water and rat snakes in my childhood. The small stream near our house would be dammed in the summer to provide water to the nearby plantation and the mud bank was our bridge to the other side. After 6 if we were returning home after playing in the empty paddy fields, we would see many a water snake creeping up the mud bank and hurrying back into the water seeing us. Rat snakes would often find our house a good source of food thanks to the mice which periodically nested in the crevices of our wooden roof. Long snakes would show up even in the daytime scaring me out only to return back relieved that it was only a ratsnake.

Greener Pastures...

People are quitting every other day and the number is only increasing. Half the mails in a day would be for the parting gifts and sendoffs. People's farewell mails are sounding very much cliche, with some of them being the exact copy of another. I won't blame them of course. Who the hell cares anyway! The moment someone announces his retirement, you become worried for a while but then you also know he can't help it either. For the pittance that they get, any hike outside would be lucrative enough.

Two of my peers are travelling and are in the thick of things. Both of them depend a lot on me to help out on functional issues but I know I won't get any credit for that. Sometimes petty thoughts cross my mind that why I should be helping them so much when I won't get anything in return. But I feel silly about myself the next moment. What is life if I had to think only about gains all the time! That would only make me unhappy, right?

I generally talk to some of the people among our support staff. Today I had gone to the small cafeteria on our side to get coffee but the milk wasn't pouring out properly. The lady in charge tried to correct it for a while and said the pantry one was better. I agreed with her. She continued and said but it is generally very crowded. I agreed again. Then she said in a complaining tone, "but you never go there. I've never seen you!" I didn't know what to say for a second. I mean, I couldn't imagine that someone really kept track of me like that!

Pani Pani Re...

It burns in the daytime and rains like crazy in the evening. My cold is just refusing to go away. Native is very cloudy these days it seems but no good rains yet. Hope it'll be a good monsoon this year. I hate mother having to worry about that well in the summer.

The first time we had trouble with this well I remember very well. I think none of us will forget that year. There is a bore well nearby but mother thought it wasn't respectable to go fetch water in the daytime so in the nights when the whole neighborhood would be ready to sleep, we four would start off with pitchers towards the bore well. Pappa would be doing the pumping, mother, V and I at regular distances carrying the water home. It was quite a tiring thing to do for a whole month with the water quantity not being great at times. Sometimes we even had to return empty-handed and try later. And then, just when the summer ended, mother was down with Typhoid. When I think of it sometimes, it feels like a nightmare.

When I was a kid and we were in the rented place, our well always used to go dry in the summer. It was an event for me to go and look at the water going down every morning. Clear water would turn muddy and one day the pitcher would hit the rock at the bottom. Then it was time to go to Anuradhakka's place which is about 100 meters away for the drinking water and the plantation well for other things. Anuradhakka's well is a huge one and I've never seen it in bad shape even in summers, thank God for that. They were very nice about it and though we felt a bit apologetic in the beginning, soon got over it and treated it as our own.

I think we as a people will have real trouble with the water soon. Already we are over-dependent on the tankers in our area with every other day one bore well being drilled. There is bound to be water-scarcity soon.

There is a rumor that they are going to salvage an old lake in front of our house. I didn't even know it existed!

Passing Years...

At home with a slight fever and not at all feeling guilty about it. I mention guilty because I have a boss who I've never seen taking a sickleave! Actually work has become a bit monotonous of late - the same old issues, spools, debugs, sqls and solutions. But I'm also sure if it were to change drastically - say my work is full of java, I will hate that too. It's silly but that's what I am.

Once in a while life becomes better though - like when I get into arguments(some of them quite bad) with some of my senior colleagues who think they know everything and I win the battle. I love it! But the frequency with which I'm getting into such situations makes me wonder sometimes. I mean, do I have a short temper or do they? But with me it's always "give respect, take respect". People who start off on the offensive with a "what do you know!" ring tick me off immediately. It's easy to make it a gender-bias but I've not yet taken it that way. May be they curse me behind my back but at least people come across better next time.

Then...my mother has an aching leg and I'm pushing her to see the doctor immediately. What with all the recent terrible illnesses among our family and friends, I'm a bit skeptical but I hope it will not be anything major. Was just thinking about her and realized that I've hardly done anything for her. One of her longstanding wishes is to visit Kanyakumari and I want to do it this year. I mean, I'm someone who keeps dreaming(only) of travelling all over the world but have hardly seen anything within my own country, state or even the district! My mother keeps bringing it up but when we go it has to be full family and one or the other gets into some busy schedule. But this October, we shall go!

The kid is in my native place and getting into fights with my mother every other day, mostly over buses. His craziness for buses gets manifold there because most of the private buses have pretty lights inside them. Whenever a bus he covets is denied to him, he calls me up and says, "If you send me here next time!!" but we both know how much he loves the place.

Hungry now...with no maid for a month, we both are finding it tough to manage home. But I've forgotten how it is to eat outside and cannot give up home food. So here I go...

Empire of the Son...

That's what it's been in our house for so long but I'm turning a rebel now. I'm not giving in to his demands as easily as I used to and can finally sense some control. But my husband spoils it often;he always wanted to be the preferred parent(which I tell him he can never be!) so he seizes the opportunity to be the pacifier and score some points. But all in all, I think things are improving in the household. May be story books have also helped. He gets occupied with them so he doesn't need me glued to him all the time.

The kid has got obsessed with waking up early in the quest of being the first one to brush everyday(!). We were late risers in the house in general, even clocking 8 sometimes and doing everything at breakneck speed afterwards. After getting badly reprimanded one day about not brushing till 8:15, the kid swore that he was going to wake up really early and kept an alarm at 7. But then he realized that the maid was up and had brushed by then so the next day the alarm was at 5 and he surprised us by sitting upright in the bed when it rang and even brushed! Now, I cannot wake up at 5 for sure. I guess I've done it only on some special occasions and I wasn't going to give up my sleep so easily. So I've found a trick. I've kept my watch time an hour and a half behind. So when the alarm rings at 5, it's actually 6:30! But one day I know he'll find out and we'll have a major fight.

Talking of fight, I've given up fighting with our auto-drivers. They are mostly corrupt. The minimum it takes to my office is Rs.36 but I've had people who finished at 54! I used to fight with them; some people even get offended if you ask them if their meter is alright! I've had to get down and walk some times because I protested about the flying rate. But now I've settled for 50 Rs. So instead of gazing at the meter and going through a range of emotions - anxiety, irritation, anger, shock, relief - all in the space of 20 mins, I've just decided to look outside and enjoy the morning traffic instead. So everybody is happy now. You should see the competition among the drivers to have me as the passenger!

P.S: Here is my analysis of auto-drivers in Bangalore -

Tamilians - The most corrupt.
Telugites - not many but mostly corrupt.
Non-muslim Kannadigas - 50-50 with people from east Bangalore contributing more to the corrupt side.
Muslims - Mostly honest.
Others - not enough data.

Blowing My Own Trumpet...

The family went to Mysore yesterday. On the way, we realized that the kid was interested only in having a long journey by his favourite Rajahamsa and had no interest in the destination as such. For all he cared, we could've had a daylong trip in Bangalore itself as long as the bus was good and had twinkling lights inside. Considering that, I must say he bore the visits to Mysore palace and Chamundi Hills with quite a dignity!Both P and I have been to Mysore but it was long ago. I have been to both the palace and Chamundi Hills as part of a school trip but realized that I had no recollection of the palace whatsoever. I wish they could let us go upstairs where the ladies' rooms etc are there. Can't imagine why they don't let us go there. We had an elephant ride on Rishi's bidding but I didn't like it much. The poor beast was hungry and stopped to eat even the smallest leaves on the path. I must admit I was also scared a bit.

Actually I remember my school trip to Chamundi Hills quite well. I remember the monkeys, the bangle carts which are gone now and above all the Gopura which I used to think would fall off any minute. I stared at it hard this time but it was firm much to my disappointment. I was a kid then and may be the drifting clouds gave me that feeling...

People in the office ask me when we will buy a car. I tell them we don't have a real need for it because we've got used to public transport thanks to the kid's obsession with buses. I guess many go for a car just because of peer pressure and we've withstood that for so long. What disgusted me about the whole thing was when the Alto driving boss of mine made fun of a colleague who drives a Maruti 800! That really made me wonder what all this fuss about a car was. I mean, do you buy it for your convenience or for someone else? But I'm just wondering if the kid will succumb to it when he grows up - like asking us why we don't buy a car because all his classmates have it. Anyway, at the moment there is another important reason not to buy it; we don't have the money as we've invested quite a bit in the house.

Summer has set in but irregular power cuts are the order of the day. P says we'll soon have global warming and no fan. That's not going to be pleasant even in Bangalore where summer temperatures have seen a steady rise.

Talking of resources, people really don't care about them unless they are made to pay for it. It's a common misconception that illiterates are not civil and lack manners etc but educated and well-to-do people are highly irresponsible, socially. People wash hands with full tap on and don't even bother to close it fully. Toilet flush would be running, toilet rolls left to roll on the floor, napkins wasted. I don't think all these guys understand that there may be people who are dying somewhere because of lack of clean water. Whatever my shortcomings may be, I definitely feel proud of myself in this aspect ; I'm a responsible citizen. I want to become better; I want to tell people of their mistakes and make them better, at least around me. Hope I'll have the courage to do so.