Neela Nirmaladagasadi Nischintanagiha Chandira...

 I had not realised that it had been so long since I wrote. What with my becoming a product owner, life has not been easy. But one can say I asked for it and I definitely did. So I'm going to plough on. 

Anyway, what made me write today is that I went to the balcony to fetch something and looked up at an amazingly beautiful sky. The moon is bright but there are also a good number of stars twinkling around. Add a soothingly cool breeze and my (strained) eyes literally watered staring at the beauty of it all.

Life has been hectic ironically with the advent of AI in our worklife. Right now we're cooking up the gains not having been given much choice and to be honest, the pressure to adopt quickly quickly quickly is killing the happiness for the much-needed support it's supposed to bring to our lives. 

Right now what I need is a magic wand to make people understand banking. So few of the people around me really appreciate and understand the nuances of calculations and accounting that every small change looks like a dangerous stunt in the hands of the wrong people. Some days are utterly frustrating but on others, some newbees shine and make me very happy and proud. Life is like that. 

ಆರಂಕುಶವಿಟ್ಟೊಡಂ…

I’m a forever fangirl of Western Ghats. I can gape at miles and miles of the flora and not be tired of it and daydream of exploring the origin of every single stream flowing down there. I know there are more beautiful places in this world but me, I own that place and that place owns me. 

12 Angry Men

One of the challenges that I have these days is to find something for Anu to watch along with me on Netflix or Prime. She’s almost thirteen now and is not easy to please. The movie shouldn’t have song and dance or overtly mushy elements, no cuss words or melodrama. And she doesn’t even let me give up on finding such a thing. “Aayi, let’s watch something together” gets me back on the Netflix train. So when I found 12 Angry Men on YouTube (a very clean print), I knew she would like it. She did and I was glad that she understood all the small things without my aid. Only she waas disappointed that she couldn’t see the kid released by the court.

Fingernails

 I love Riz Ahmed, all over again. 

The Wrong Side

Last night, our neighbour caught hold of P in the corridor and said she had to discuss something important. It seems she had wanted to tell me for long but somehow missed it. The problem was with our shoe rack. It was placed in the wrong side of the passage and was a deterrent for Goddess Lakshmi to enter the house. 

P told us and Anu looked at me. I told her my salary had only increased ever since. It tickled her and she said let's go tell her that and get her all confused. 

We changed the position anyway, just so that we didn't have to hear about it again. 

There and Back Again

I went out with L today. It was a temple visit and greeting people with Sai Ram is not my cup of tea but I can bear it if I want to. I wanted to beat the routine and L and V are my most preferred company anyway. It was nice but L likes my company too and she wants me to accompany her somewhere else next week. I told her I would let her know. Because P's first reaction when I told him was that I should remember I had a family. It made me angry though I had predicted it. I wonder why I don't simply not-care. What browny points am I looking to score? 

By the End of the Day

Necessity is the mother of stoicism. 

Luck by Chance

I love discovering things by chance. Like Martin Johnson Heade's landscapes. 

Old Tunes

The school next to our building has reopened and it's a happy feeling to hear that din after two years. 

The Dominant Strain

If you just think, a dominating male is never a cause of concern to anyone. But a hint of such a character in a lady, the whole world gets worried for that family. And the women would be the first ones to whisper, "He has a dominating mother, you know..." and others listening to it immediately understand that everything that ails the son is because of that. Wonderful. 

The Brotherly One

I have a colleague who calls me his sister and I let that be. His is a curious case; he thinks I got promoted too early and that his boss should've been my boss instead of being my peer. And when I post something late night on our Slack channel, he's always there to remind me that I'm not living a hostel life and that I have a family to attend to. All he needs me for is to crib about his boss and his life in general. This he does periodically and the latest one is pending. I just haven't had the time because his 'ten minutes' never last less than half an hour. And also, it takes a certain mood to be kind. 

Out and About

Rishi and I went out yesterday. Shopped and walked like that after more than a year. Such times are going to be rare now. The possibility that he will leave the house soon is hanging in the air now. 

It's common to see Puneeth Rajkumar's cutouts in Bangalore and it's equally common to see obituaries hanging in the streets. Now both have merged and it's taking time to digest that. 

Lonesome

It's Dasara and most people in the office are in festive mood. Pooja, shopping... And I feel like a pest, calling them on their phones and trying to get updates from them, detached from all the celebrations. But tomorrow is another day. 

Are divorces contagious? 

Disparities

P says I'm ageing backwards, in more than one ways. Some of that is flattery, some of it backhanded compliment but it's also true in some ways. I have summoned more energy in the past few months than I ever have but I wish I could rub it off on P too. When you slog alone day in and out, there are odd times when you feel taken advantage of. 

Both my children think I'm great company. Overwhelms me sometimes and also frustrates me, that I cannot spend enough time with them. Especially right now work is squeezing me from all sides. Not that I don't enjoy it; just that there are so many other things that I enjoy too. 

Bereaved

D's mother passed away yesterday. He'd written about her once and there was pride in it. Must be hurting badly now. For some reason, I was thinking of his parents yesterday. Now it's a strange thing, not to be able to say more than a sentence to him yet wanting to say so much and at home carry on as if nothing has happened. 

Right now thinking of his father. 

The DnB Man

So there it is - D has started his own venture with a couple of more people. I've been expecting it and was surprised when he said no last year. Ah, it's an overwhelming feeling for me and I wish I could see his. 

Of course it means D will be super busy, he says it will be at least a 14-hour day. Hmm. Everytime he tells me how hectic it's going to be, it feels like he's preparing me for his absence. I've been a little spoilt this last month and I guess this is the end of it. Alright. But I'm excited nevertheless. For the guy who wanted every day to be exciting. 

Sound of Premonition

Life is the sound of wind chimes right now. And a growing feeling that something is going to happen to disturb it. 

Wrong Notions

Pal calls to wish me more than a month after my birthday and as usual rains some topics on me before hanging up. P considers her a wild thing(Did I make him think that?). After I finish talking, he tells me (don't know if he means it!) that I shouldn't talk to her so much, lest she spoil me. And I, who Pal calls a wild thing, feel a pang of guilt towards Pal and him both, which I bury in a fit of laughter. Life is surreal right now.