Happy New Year!

I open my mailbox and I see a mail from MK saying that he is staying back! Great news to start the new year with and I replied to him as much. Very happy. 

Back!

Back home after visiting my in-laws. Even after so many years I'm always a little apprehensive going there because it's pretty much a shift from normalcy in many ways; weather, food, language, culture, scrutiny, privacy, mobility etc. Families are bigger, their worries and priorities are different and one feels helpless as a spectator of a long drama. To make matters worse, families are at war now and we get caught at crossroads not having taken a side yet but almost compelled to do it soon. Being out-of-touch with local news, one has to also take care not to broach up on touchy topics. It's a tight-rope walk really. I feel happy for Anu whose world revolves around her little cousin there. Rishi on the other hand is anxious as one of his cousins got chickenpox while we were there. As for me, I feel silly even to sulk after I see how hard people work and yet are so cheerful. I don't know if it lasts year-long though.

Met L at the station and it felt great, as always. 

A Long Day!

A tiring and tiresome one.

Promotion Never Comes Alone

There are two seasons where Rishi goes berserk. One is Deepavali and the other Christmas. Preparations start almost a month in advance, boxes go topsy-turvy, decorations are mended, old ones discarded and new ones bought with fanfare. But Rishi has his ways about buying things; he never demands them outright. He just leads us to the place, loiters around them, doesn't show any interest in anything else, is sulky if we ignore them and finally compels us to almost beg him to buy something. But last week he broke the protocol; he begged me to buy them. He was like, "Aayi, you know I haven't asked you for expensive things anytime in my life. This time you've even got a promotion and this thing hardly costs anything. Buy this once for me, please...". I was taken aback for a minute but was happy too. We went to Sapna and got a big star for him to take to school.

Most of the promotion news is out and Rajani says she hasn't got one. I've dreaded it somehow. I always felt our careers were similar, though she's better than me, and somehow thought we would get promoted together. We belong to different orgs within the company and yardsticks are different but every year when she asked me, I don't know if I would've been disappointed if she'd got one while I hadn't. I guess similar thought runs in her head too. She was upset when I told her about it and I know it was to do with her situation than mine.

Anu has got her spectacles. 

Blank

Yesterday was a very tough day and it still hasn't made much sense so far. I was just trying to come to terms with the news on Renu and my boss said MK was leaving and his last working day was tomorrow. What the hell! He had been very busy of late and not interacted with us for a couple of months now but he can't get up and go just like that! Boss also said nobody was very sure either. Normally I would've checked around and waited but this timing was too much for me. I pinged MK and asked him if the rumours were true. There wasn't any response except for a Hi so I thought I'd offended him. But MK is not respected for nothing - I got a mail from him this morning that something came up so he couldn't respond but he would call soon. But will you stay, MK? Please do, please. I'm ready to be terrorized over your early-morning mails for eternity.

And after all this, my boss called and said I had been promoted. I don't know if my lack of response surprised him. I have been suspecting it for a couple of months now because he has been overloading me with work, in spite of my peers being relatively free. I didn't feel a thing, to be honest. I just have too much work all around me to appreciate anything right now. I want rest. I want idle-time. I want my-time. Some time.

Losing Heart

I can't believe it, I just can't. My mother says Renu passed away two years ago! It can't be! She was 36, just a week younger than me....It's a pathetic mix of disbelief, loss, guilt and angst down here. Auntie may be mistaken about the person? Please!! The worst part is that we were twins once upon a time and today I don't even know if she is really no more.

Bad Business

Latest news is that our club next-door is going to be demolished and a school will come up in its place. There are a lot of big machines working on the land so I asked the guy at the reception. He said they were renovating the place. I asked him if the tennis courts will come back there after the renovation and he said yes. But he was smiling in a weird way when he said that so I'm not really sure now. But what, a school!!? It doesn't make sense! We already have three private schools in the radius of 100 meters and I'm not counting the fourth one, a Government school, only because it does not add to the vehicular traffic. Between 8 and 8:30 in the morning the poor road hardly has place to step on, leave alone drive and now one more school? It'd better be a night college or something! :|

Hindus and Muslims in this country can neither love nor hate each other on an individual basis I guess. I mean, we have to treat it like one whole community trying to marry or kill the other!! A Hindu guy got killed in my native by a Muslim supposedly and I've got a whatsapp message from a cousin of mine urging all Hindus to boycott any kind of transaction with any Muslim.  

Hate Speeches

I sent Anu out of the house for a few minutes yesterday after she incensed me with her lies. I hit her badly along the way too. It's the first of its kind for her but I'm not used to dealing with a lying child either; Rishi has been a good kid that way. She was refusing to tell me the truth I already knew and I guess what hurt more was breaking the myth that she was in my control, as everyone claims in my family. Anyway today somehow the topic came up and she said she hated me for making her stand outside. She said it in such a matter-of-fact way while cuddling me that I just nodded.

It's time to change the kids' menu I guess.

Me   : Anu, I'm giving you puliyogare for lunch today.
Anu : I hate it!
P :    : Ani, hate is a very strong word.
Anu : I know, that's why I used it! 

The Grey Matter

My hair is almost touching the knee now. I've never grown it this long and now I'm wondering if I should just continue or cut it. 

The Need for Speed

Lesson of the day, which I'm loath to learn it seems - Do not get into music and lyrics early in the morning. Everybody will happily participate in the discussion but when 8 strikes and friends knock on the door and the lunchbox is not yet ready, brickbats are only and all yours. 

In a Bubble

We watched Coco yesterday. Yet another safe and happy movie for us. I guess if P was willing, we would've watched it twice back-to-back. But I'm disappointed that I can't remember anything to sing from the movie, considering it was about music.

I've weaned myself away from my phone. But that was all thanks to my addiction to something else. Time to get addicted to something better now.

There is happiness bubbling inside; I've gotten into a new module which I always wanted to but had hesitated before. Even now it's not that I've volunteered to it but I've been pushed to it because of sheer necessity. But yet, I'm feeling good, I'm feeling confident already. I've been singing.

Stuck in a Loop

Sanjay Leela Bhansali's tunes are repeating. So much so that I've begun to wonder if it is deliberate.

The Unknown Known

I had one of the strangest 10-minute conversations yesterday. The guy on the other side of the line was talking from the word go as if we were the best of friends and I was laughing and all the while wondering if I could recollect at least one thing about him. After all, everybody in the group said he was our classmate so I should know him but after working my brain the whole day, I gave up. Must be one of those boys who I met only in 7th standard. I tried to take my mother's help but the only clue she gave me was that he was a Congressman! She is more into politics than any other woman I know.

I gave Guru What We Cannot Know. He said he was new to reading and would start with this one. God knows!

Ambitious

Anu finished reading part I of Little Women. We happened to mention that Beth died in the second part. She pouted, swallowed her tears hard and said, "Give me a new notebook, Aayi. I'm going to write Little Women myself. But in my book nobody is going to die!". I'm yet to buy the notebook.

I've been down with a stomach bug for the past few days and today has been much better. First night was horror and I kept dreaming that I was the in-charge of a sinking institution(my stomach!?) and that to my relief, there were two more people appointed to help me. But then my twisting stomach would wake me up and I would realise that I was all alone in my ordeal and trips to the toilet. Anyway, the best thing is that I didn't take any medicine but I also don't know what did the job among all the concoctions that I gulped down.

In a twist to my bird story, Razia announced today that she didn't want the hatchlings anymore because her son had been cured of the obsession. I couldn't believe my ears; it felt like a surrogate mother being told to keep the child to herself! I told her nothing doing. There is no way I'm undergoing the nonsense again.

There is nothing like Reshma aur Shera songs to make me feel terrific, at the moment. 

Caught Red-faced!

I shoplifted!! Well, almost. Anu wanted to buy jeans so we went to Max. The salesman gave us two pairs to try but Anu liked the first one itself and as we came out of the trial room I was wondering where I had left the second pair. I wanted to go back and check but someone had already occupied the room by then. We billed and got out and may have walked some ten steps when I realised there was something heavy on my shoulder. I check and see the second pair of jeans nicely concealed under my dupatta! I was stupefied first and then angry; angry because in the past I've been buzzed even when I'd paid for my undergarments(of all the things!). Anyway, I rushed back, told the security folks it was a mistake and left them staring at each other. It's their problem now.

When I go to pick Anu up, I meet a couple of ladies with their kids on the way. I know no details about them but we exchange pleasantries and move on. The other day Anu and I were walking back and I saw one of these kids without her mother next to her. I asked her if she was going alone and she just smiled and shook her head. I didn't understand but then I got distracted by a guy who was pushing a vegetable cart just ahead of her, with some spinach and a pink schoolbag on the cart. He turned to me, said something and nodded his head. I didn't catch what he said but I didn't bother; I was still wondering why the girl was alone. We walked on and suddenly the realization struck; he was the girl's father! How judgmental of me!

My father's cousin became a grandmother recently and I thought the culprit was her youngest son who got married two years ago. I mean, I thought it was implicit and even my mother just kept talking of the grandparents rather than the parents. But yesterday I was talking to another cousin about it and he says the father is this guy's eldest brother! I admitted my mistake but then I don't think it's my fault really; the last child he had was sixteen years ago and he's 47 years old!

A Good Day!

Rajani's birthday today. I want to curb myself from saying all that is in my heart. Better left at that.

We are able to see the increments in the system though it's yet to be communicated to people. Numbers look awful and I won't give any excuses this time. 

GHCI Days

Two days of GHCI are over and one thing I don't want to do is getting back to square one. The food was great; not many choices but whatever they served was very good. I cannot say the same about the sessions but it made me want to do more, to venture into areas where I've not gone before. My first thought sitting in that confluence of thousands of women was to wish my mother was also there.

But I also know I wasn't gung-ho about participating when I was nominated. I had given many reasons to myself not to attend it so I really don't know what pushed me to it finally. I know others who dropped out for no real reason and Padmini said she confirmed only after finding that I was going to be there. I had only two grouses in the end - that our company seems to have sent us based on seniority which was disappointing and that nobody from our company was on the list of speakers, though we were one of the big sponsors. And I also didn't really connect with any stranger though we smiled all around.

And yes, I'm a big fan of Metro now. Previously I had mostly used it as a joyride but these two days I was really grateful to its existence. Of the 35 k.m., Metro took 40 mins to cover 27 and it took me another 40 mins to cover the remaining 8 by road!! I was so impressed that I enjoyed even the running and hanging in the rush hour.

Costly Affair

Everytime before I step into FabIndia store, I tell myself that I can perfectly afford anything that they can possibly sell and that I will not lose my balance when I see the prices. I have to attend Grace Hopper Conference this week so I thought of buying some decent clothes and took up the FabIndia challenge yet again. The kurta and pants went off well; though I didn't check the price tags I kind of figured they were near-normal. I was emboldened now and the salesgirl must've been too, as she chatted me to the beautiful dupattas. I was happily caressing the soft material when I accidentally glanced at the price - 3900 Rs!!! I must've visibly winced because the girl hastily took me to another section which had the range of 2000 to 3000. Anyway, by now all my resolutions had gone up in the air as usual and I had become my middle-class self. I lied to her that I had a very matching dupatta already at home, refused to meet her eye, made my husband pay the bill and got out quickly. As I was coming out, I saw an ex-pat who looked like some cricketer I couldn't name(that reminds me of something!) entering the store and my mind quickly applied the exchange rate and concluded that he may find the prices reasonable.

On the Road

Returning home from Mysore after attending K's wedding. The boy who used to pester me for Reader's Digest stories everyday is the groom today. Met many Bangaloreans too and nowadays it's a thing taken for granted that we meet only outside Bangalore.

This year weddings have taken me to Dharwad and Mysore so far and both the times I felt travelling was the thing to do in life and sitting in front of the laptop was so inferior to it.  Except for the aching bum, of course. But anyway, here comes Monday and there I will sit frantically coding this week because the deadline is Saturday.

Easily Happy

Rajani : Hey, are you in the office today?
Me      : No...
Rajani : Ok...I'm alone for lunch today, other two are on leave...
Me      : Oh!

Emotionally Challenged

I've always loved my work. At times I have felt disenchanted, demotivated and wanted to be indifferent but have sprung back towards it. Solid coding is one of the most satisfying things in life and one of the most nagging is when you think you should've done a better job. I'll always be a coder at heart though I'm a manager by designation. May be because of that, I've connected better with juniors in the team who are all eyes and ears; as they grow older in the org, many just want to be managers and wouldn't want to touch code(that's why I adore MK and wish all seniors were like him). But of all the young ones I've reared all these years, there are just a few who've impressed me totally and one of them is Guru and yesterday he resigned.

It was just a matter of time, anyway. He wanted to go 4 months ago and my boss and I had convinced him to stay. But it was a ticking bomb for me and I'm strangely relieved at some level that he's going. He deserves better than what we are giving him and I just smiled when he said he just wanted to explore outside and I should be ready to welcome him back anytime after a year. I've never been his manager officially but we've been a team for two years now, it was a great comfort to have him around, I know he'll do great and now I'm going to miss him badly.

I want to cry today. For a lot of undefined reasons. 

The Animal Side

I'm not an animal lover. I mean, I understand their importance in our ecosystem, I'm their well-wisher and like to hear their stories etc but I'd chicken out if a puppy comes to me with the friendliest of intentions. Wild animals are my favourites because they stay in the wild. The only exception was cows and calves which were all around me in childhood - our old house and both my grandparents' houses(there were dogs too but somehow we never developed any feelings for each other). Grazing the cows and getting the calves out of trouble were our chief business in the holidays and Manjanna and I even had a couple of favourite cows. The first thing we did after waking up was to go greet them, massage them and once we had even invited them inside the house to eat the fodder and got scolded. But then these beautiful and responsive desi creatures died, we couldn't connect with their offsprings that well, our frequency of visits to the native reduced and before I knew I had started regarding the massive and unemotional jersey cows manning the Bangalore streets with distaste.

Same story with birds as well. The wild birds that I saw in my childhood were well-respected and crows were a necessity because our forefathers had to be happy in heaven. It was only after coming to live in Bangalore apartment that I realized the menace of pigeons. They are plenty in our area, may be because there are thoughtless and kind people who throw grains at them every morning through their barred balconies and these birds mistake it for general kindness and come to every balcony. But I've always had the happy support of my husband in this matter so we'd kind of settled into the routine of pigeons-sit-in-balcony-humans-shoo-them-away quite well. Till the year 2010.

It was the time 5 year-old Rishi's love for all living things, including mosquitoes, was at its peak and it was also the year my mother-in-law stayed with us for six months. One fine day Rishi, aided by his equally loving grandmother, announced that they were feeding the pigeons. May be he was still a terror to me then or I was a little weak because I was pregnant or as my husband says, "humari mati mari gayi thi", we didn't push much with our opposition. Soon we had happy birds all over our balcony and soon after, there were two pigeon eggs in a flower pot. My first horrified reaction was to get my maid to move them away but my mother-in-law said it was not right to do that; anyway once the eggs hatched the birds would find their way out. I grumbled but she was firm that was a sin. What else, of course the eggs hatched, hatchlings made a lot of noise and messed up the whole place so much that I stopped stepping into the balcony, just waiting for that day when these things would get wings and fly away. That took an awfully long time but before that tragedy struck; it was rainy season and I don't know what happened, the young birds died one after the other. Rishi was inconsolable for days and my mother-in-law was silent as if she committed a crime. It took us quite a bit of effort to bring our balcony to some shape and I've been once-bitten-twice-shy ever since.

But this whole long thing I had to recount just to tell you that a pigeon has laid eggs again! These birds are either very dumb who don't understand hostile gestures or there is lack of communication of danger among the community. Anyway, I was all set to move the eggs away but Razia, our maid, begged us to let them be so that she could take the hatchlings. Before I could say anything she said she was going to raise them and not eat because her son has been yearning for them. I have a feeling that it's going to be a mess again. 

Lying Low

Today has been a uniquely tough day - all four of us are down with severe cold, cough and body-aches and each is claiming to be the worst affected. Only solace is that it's a holiday.

Two lessons from today - think of outside food as an option and keep your phone in silent when you sleep. Because most probably other person doesn't care if you are sick. Typical words are, "Oh shucks, I'm so sorry but can you please do this thing for me? I'm not able to contact anybody else...". I'm going to create a chance to bring this up in forum some day. I've had enough of some people taking advantage of others' decency. 

My Moment

Rahul Dravid loves walking. MeToo!!!

Oh, how I miss watching him play and that feeling of pride! Of course the game is bigger than the players and it will live on but I,as a fan, died the day he retired. I know it may sound terribly cliched but I've never said that about anyone ever!

P.S : All this outpouring is after watching him on YouTube at Bangalore Lit. Fest. Now time to get back to the chores.

Musings

While 'MeToo' is very much cathartic and can trigger a mass movement to help a cause, it's also a case of a missed opportunity, right? I mean, chorus can only follow once someone raises a voice and I  wonder why some of these people didn't choose to save at least some of their kin by speaking up before. I can understand a rookie not doing it but others?

I've become a Windows traveller. The wallpapers are a balm to my eyes and I just feel happy as if I've visited those beautiful places.

Grave Matters

I apologise for having been biased and hasty. Uttar Pradesh Shia Waqf board has made me realize my mistake. It seems before it can become a temple or any other thing, Humayun's tomb should become what it was meant to be - a graveyard - for the teeming population. We are indeed fortunate that we don't need any terrorist organizations to destroy our history.

How does a 6-year old know what life sentence means? Rishi was listening to El-Lute and I wanted to make Anu understand what I thought was difficult. But she said she knew it - spending the whole life in jail but not being put to death. I was sort of shocked and when I asked her she said even a 3-year old would know it! Possible.

I'm desperate to come out of the terrible lethargy that has got hold of me. 

Chest Pain

When every inch of your chest is filled with all sorts of insecurity, having a 56-inch chest is painful not only for the leader himself but for the country also.

Layers of History

One cannot wish away the fact that Mughals came to India, ruled most of it for over 200 years and changed its cultural and political discourse forever. But I'm not so sure that the beautiful monuments built by them will be so lucky. So I'm feeling a sort of desperation to visit them before they are discovered to be yet another temple. I don't know why our leaders are so bent upon making us seem so petty.

I think its time we had a dystopian novel of our own. Do we already have any? But I guess sadly, our future will not look too different from our distant past.

 From the times when I didn't go to songs but songs came to me at their own volition. And we made them feel special by savouring every word. 

Up in Smoke

Sitting in the cleanness of my room with colourful stars falling all around me in the sky and clouds of black smoke trying to screen them. We celebrated DeepavaLi yesterday and I was celebrating also the fact that there was hardly any noise around. But the security guard had warned me that it would be today and he was right. It has been incessant noise right from the morning and I kept my call with  Japanese partners mostly on mute, lest they think we too had dangerous neighbours.

Coming to think of it, this is the first DeepavaLi with only four of us at home. We either had parents or a resident-maid with us otherwise. I miss my parents but yeah, it's been a happy DeepavaLi nevertheless.

Raining Memories

One of my favourite childhood songs, from the time when rain dropped from trees like it was telling us a secret and dripped from rooftops compelling us to put our palms out...a word or two may be amiss because the last I heard it was more than 20 years ago.

Rain Rain Go Away

I've had enough of it, waking up to a gloomy day and keeping my clothes unwashed thinking tomorrow may be a sunny day. My red chillies are getting damp too and I can't dry my ragi to powder them.

Walking to Happiness

When you love walking, there is pleasure in getting lost in the bylanes.

Voicing It

Answer papers of half-yearly assessments have been sent home and Rishi is on a high. His marks are great, he's teachers' darling in school so much so that he doesn't even lose marks when he makes small mistakes(!!). So his only worry right now is his sister who's scored below-par in Maths. And worse, her cool remark to his rants is "I don't care for marks. What is their use anyway! I'm going to become a storyteller when I grow up." It has taken up my entire afternoon and a lot of breath to bring some semblance of sanity to the house.

Anu's latest obsession is becoming independent. She says by the age of nine she will make a mountain in the park below, build a house on top of that mountain and live there. I asked her not to bother me with her food then but she wouldn't agree.

Voices are misleading. One gets used to hearing gruff and aggressive voices at the other end of the phone for long and develops a matching image. So it's a pleasant surprise when you finally meet him and see a very mismatching figure who is also personally nice to you. 

MaLegalada Ondu Dina...

It's raining like June any time of the year now. If you discount the bad roads of Bangalore, which is no mean task of course, all you know is that you won't have water shortage this year but I don't know how my farming in-laws cope up with unpredictable rains and cloudy atmosphere.

I went to school without an umbrella and of course it had to rain just when I reached the gate. After a while thankfully an auto-guy spotted me and asked me to hop in. I took along a lady and her kid who is Anu's classmate, because they were in the same state. We usually cover some distance together on the way home but I still don't know where they stay. So I said, somewhat weirdly, that I could lend them a couple of umbrellas once I reached my building, which comes first. They readily agreed but a while later it struck me that I was being silly and I said why shouldn't they take the auto till their home, as it was still raining pretty badly. My lady friend was willing but the daughter jumped and said, "No Auntie, then it'll cost us a lot of money, it's better that we take the umbrellas and go!". Money was not on my mind because I had told the driver I would pay him later as I knew him well but I could see that the lady was embarrassed. She tried to convince the kid but the moment my building came, the girl just jumped out of the auto and stood her ground demanding my umbrellas. It took a considerable coaxing from her mother to make her board the auto again. Where was my darling daughter all this while? I don't think any of it made any sense to her and she had walked off the moment auto stopped.

I paid the guy later but I was very proud of that little girl. She reminded me of myself long ago, the girl who was so aware of her monetary deficiencies and tracked her finances in her own little ways. Small things were valued and kindnesses of others painfully remembered. My husband's childhood was only tougher so I guess my daughter has only just awakened to something called money which counts for her as piggy-bank coins and paper with Gandhiji.

The Gut-feeling

Cooking is one day feeling like you are a magician and the other day, wishing you had Alladin's genie. I can't make out which days win. But on my genie days, it's mostly because of Rishi that I force myself to make something meaningful. He makes no bones about his displeasure when the food is bad but he's a boy of few words when it's upto his taste. But nowadays I get to know...if he wants to leave the table and sit with the plate on the sofa with the TV on, that means he's loving the food.

Rishi's birthday today. We called his friends home and cut the cake for the first time...In his early years he wasn't very sociable. Later on, it mostly happened that the birthday fell in Dasara holidays so there wasn't enough number to call and celebrate. Today he was happy, eagerly waiting for his huge list of friends in the building to arrive and they did, in their usual style. I like to see them together in such parties mostly because they break my stereotypical notion that urban kids are not having enough fun. They may not be climbing trees, roaming in wilderness and eating the now near-extinct fruits but they are happy too. Their boisterous laughs in the corridor wake us up from our afternoon naps but they also make me smile and feel better.

Worldly Thoughts

What should you feel when someone you disliked passes away? Not despised but disliked very much...

I'm not feeling much really. I didn't have many reasons to dislike him except for one unhappy brush and a Facebook friend request but I was already prejudiced against him anyway....It's just that he was our colleague till precisely three weeks ago and then he was asked to go and the whole of office was discussing it for a week and then in ten days the person is totally gone. Again the office is talking about him and people are unsure who to blame for his death.

My husband, who had more genuine reasons to be unhappy about him, is feeling guilty that he harbored unsavory thoughts sometimes. Whatever, the next thing he did was to call up his own elder brother who he has been angry with for some time.

The Young Voice

6 year-old's advice to her mother who cribs about going to office - "Be happy that they don't say you have to be in the office by 8:30! We don't have that luxury!". I heed it.

Feeling Lucky

I think we are fortunate to be living at a time where the rulers are very passionately patriotic. They expect their subjects to stand up for national anthem with pride in their hearts even while they are being beaten to death.

Trying to Mingle

There was a birthday party on our floor on Saturday. Ours is an apartment with lots of children so I'm glad to get rid of mine for a couple of hours anyday. But this time the mother came and insisted that we all come for dinner so after some consideration P and I went. It was awkward in the beginning because I was meeting most ladies on my floor itself after a long time but they readily accepted my excuse of the lift being very next to my house(nobody is missing me, I know). I'm in awe of people who can organise such parties and get dressed up as suited to the occasion and still not at all look hassled. I'm always suspicious that my Bohemian(better word for undisciplined)  lifestyle would leave them shocked and confine myself to the role of a listener and come back vaguely happy that I've fulfilled an obligation successfully. But yeah, I do like some of the ladies genuinely.

By the way, Rajani's daughter's birthday party was last month and I had to decline her invitation politely but firmly. Her parents were here and all our common friends were invited but I knew there was no way I could go, even alone. So I told her a mix of half-truth and half-lies and I don't know if she figured it. Sometimes one's got to choose wisely, right? Even a dog learns after being whipped for the same mistake twice. 

The GOAT World

Every time Federer or Nadal win a grand slam, there is a clamor to immediately to declare one of them the greatest, which is simply disappointing. They are such terrific players that all I want them to do is go on playing the way they are or were. Why this obsession to have a single greatest player in any sport? Why should we keep looking for crystal balls to see the most beautiful? Or the richest or the most powerful? Just enjoy the differences, no?

Accommodating

Why should I feel bad if a 26 year-old says he's a loner and doesn't have friends? He may be happy the way he is!

I think the Centre messed up trying to paint the Rohingya refugees as potential terrorists. That said, I believe we should not be taking any more refugees either, simply because we do not have the wherewithal to provide them with a decent life. If there are thousands of people already living in refugee camps for the last ten years, what does that say? And on top of that if there is a government which wants to generalize them as bad guys, Myanmar story may repeat here anytime. 

Chugging Along

Anu's favourite song these days. She sings it even while walking to school. Reminds me of Amita S because as I remember, this was the only song she sang in competitions.

Anu is just beginning to get a hang of Kannada songs now. Once she used to say she hated them, then it changed to just listening to them but not interested in singing and now she's graduated to singing and relishing them finally. But neither can she read or write the language nor does she know most words. So I write down the song in English and explain the meaning in English and she sings. I tell her she's the new Sonu Nigam. 

Viewpoint

Why is Hindu Terrorism such an unfathomable thing like the presence of Zika Virus in India? At least in my native and around, it's been there for the last two decades - I had a light brush with it in 1998 - and it's only spread and become stronger and very obvious.

We've got new neighbours and it's taken us some time to get used to them. There are a lot of people in their house - 3 children and many elders - and they fight a lot, keeping all their windows and doors open. The old lady hits her husband occasionally and the young lady cries too. Once they were shouting so badly that I got alarmed and ran out into the passage only to return sheepishly. They are also nocturnal - the small boy and his dad cycle in the passage at midnight and don't sleep till much later, as I discovered the other day.

Anu wants to become an artist now. She is very imaginative and the house is full of many evidences of her creativity scattered all over. Only she doesn't care to clear them by the end of the day. 

Fighting to Stay Fit

A break after a long time and though I didn't think I would, I am missing my mother-in-law a little bit. She's not a meddlesome lady and I guess the only complaint I had was that she just couldn't help me with anything. Whenever this grouse comes up in my mind I ask myself what I would've done if she was disabled. Shouldn't I be taking care of her on my own?

My husband took the opportunity to subject his parents to various tests and to our relief and may be a little bit of disbelief and awe too on our part, they are fighting fit. My husband thinks it's the jowar roti that they used to eat in plenty before, may be because I cannot make it 😒. My mother-in-law does not trust the doctors back home and thinks Bangalore has the best ones, after her husband got his terrible backache repaired.

I thought of using the ragi I've been hoarding for long, washed it, dried it in the cloudy balcony and in my efforts to save time, just overloaded the grinder a bit I guess. The lid flew out and so did every grain of ragi inside the jar. Kitchen was a pretty sight but messy and cumbersome and not to mention, time-consuming to clean.

I love red rice. I like the chewy feeling it gives my mouth. Just waiting to hear from some experts that there are some side effects, of course.

Wishful

Right now all I want is to go somewhere far, live among strange people, listen to unknown melodies and sleep peacefully.

Up the Ladder

It seems one of our ministers had to climb a tree to get the mobile network when he'd gone visiting his constituency. One more reason to be thankful to the good old trees. I would've expected him to go the full hog for childhood's sake but he conveniently used a ladder. Disappointing.

"Daughter-in-law is busy slogging and the mother-in-law is sleeping on the sofa having finished her breakfast. She wakes up after 3 hours only to ask the daughter-in-law if she could make okra sambar instead of daal". Now this is the kind of joke that keeps me going, really. 

Animated

It's peacock's turn to feel like the king, I mean the PM, now. I mean, it belongs to the same league of celibate and thus celebrated, animals. I'm sure many got their biology facts re-verified after the revered judge's praise of the bird's chastity. By the way, did peahen have some early form of IVF? May be he would want to claim that too. 

All the Cow's Men

If today someone tells us the meaning of being cowed down, we'll understand it instantly, more clearly than ever before.

In love with the sky once again. You look up and it's a cloud and breeze show.

Surprise in Stock!

My boss told me that I got stocks and I was the only one to get it in our team, including himself. It was not even on my horizon and considering that we aren't doing great, this really was a bolt from the blue. My boss admitted as much too and now I'm trying hard not to take this as an additional pressure.

Japan has been hard on us. The project now is under CEO's radar and my ever-positive boss also occasionally sounds down these days. But I also think it's the case of too many cooks spoiling the broth here and we sometimes don't even know what's cooking because onsite is not very transparent. Just waiting for some clear sky. 

Knowing Jagjit Singh

I didn't have TV at home while growing up and my introduction to Hindi movies and songs happened rather late in life. My only source, that too only after reaching 11th std, was Hawa Mahal on Vividh Bharati, when Pappa was coming home late. Apart from the guys who came selling rugs, I hadn't met anyone who spoke Hindi till I reached KREC. So when my batch-mate MJ from Rajasthan would ask me some question in her super-fast Hindi, I would just stand there stammering and she would shake her head and say, "Kya yaar..."

Anyway, so it was the end of our ragging period and seniors had thrown us a party inside the hostel, as was the custom. We were to entertain them and people sang songs, mostly unfamiliar to me. Then MJ stood up and said she was going to sing a Jagjit Singh song, "Sangeet Amar Kar Do". I knew a Jagjit Singh - another batch-mate I was introduced to some days ago - and I knew he was MJ's good friend. As MJ started singing her song I was very impressed. Here was a fellow-student who could write such nice words and I wondered if he had even composed it! L would've enlightened me but I didn't ask her anyway, I was pretty convinced. It was only after TV room was thrown open to us that I could laugh at myself.

Above Expectation!

Anu took her Frisbee to the play area and lost it. I found out as she came home wailing and I also heard her tell her friends that her mother might send her out of the house(!!). As she figured that I had no such intentions, she calmed down fairly quickly and went back to play. But Rishi is not one to let things go so easily so he and I went down to look for it. I spoke to Anu's friends trying to get some clues and I noticed that they were looking at me quite reverentially. But the Frisbee had vanished into thin air and as I turned to go home, one boy blurted out, "Auntie, Ananya said you were the kindest mother in the world". Vow! Of course, then I gave them some general kindness talk and happily returned home. Frisbee? We'll buy 10 more!

Life is Like That

Today my boss cheerily asked me if I could pickup a new thread, which is a directive from our CEO. For a second I couldn't believe my ears, then it felt bitter, like a lemon already squeezed to the rind. I had to remind him of all the things on my plate already, as if he doesn't know it, but it didn't seem to make any difference. Finally he agreed that I may not be able to give my 100% to that task. Damn, I'm giving 150% to other tasks already!

My mother-in-law has had enough of my calls, which are at least 25 in a day. She asked me if they were all official. Don't know if it was prompted by the fact that most of the callers were men. 😃

Aftermath

Stormy night on Saturday. I have not been so scared of winds ever before. As feared, 119 trees fell in Bangalore, my mother-in-law's saree which was drying flew a couple of buildings away unharmed and in Rajani's house, her french window broke and she had a five-inch deep gash on her thigh. Two weeks of bed-rest for her, which I don't know how she's taking. She has been in very bad mood over her work and if not for the pain and the confinement, this break would do her a world of good.

Mother's Day

Not a way of expressing gratitude to my mother who paid me a surprise visit but here it is...

Back to Basics

Me   : "Gudiyaliruva shilegalella....ibbara manadalu kapatavilla..."
Anu : Aayi, what does "ibbara manadalu kapatavilla" mean?
Me   : It means both their hearts are pure.
Anu : Oh! I used to think it meant both of them don't have cupboards in their houses!

Made my day!

Forward March

Macron has won the elections in France and in Dehi, Arvind Kejriwal has got into one more hole. Is the problem with AAP the success they tasted too early? I think early fame and repeated failures are the toughest to handle.

Aren't there many ways to happiness?

Tujhse Naraz Nahin Zindagi...

My mother-in-law is visiting us unexpectedly a month in advance. I can see the twinkle in my husband's eyes and my son is jumping with joy. Me? Well, I'm happy for them!

Wind howling very badly outside. Has most probably chased away a welcome rain.

Midnight Mania

I love watching Mandi, especially in the peace of the night. I love Shabana Azmi. And every single person in the movie.

Lesson of the day : You may make cakes and soups and feel good about yourself but children won't forget the payasa that you had promised but couldn't make. Ah, this need to feel super-something!

Singing Sp(t)ree...

Lessons Lost

Anu : Baba, today is my Barbie's birthday!
Baba : Oh, great! Now, if I give her 5 boxes of 5 apples each, how many would she have?
Anu : Baba, she doesn't want apples as birthday gift! Can't you give her something else?

Twenty Years Ago

The Mirage of Financial Carefreeness

Till last year I used to invest in VPF and believe that I had done the best thing. But the government now is bent upon arm-twisting me into investing through SIP, markets and anything other than saving. The amount of tracking and in simple terms, work, that this may entail is very disheartening.

The Rise and Fall...

These days every minute of the day is filled with so many to-dos that the moment mind spots a gap, it's quick to try and make an escape. Two days of intense work and today the house was empty when everybody except me went swimming. I still hadn't finished cooking but my first instinct was to just roll on the bed with The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, next look for some chocolates to eat. Of course I recovered sense in a brief while to return to the kitchen.

Love Jihad is quite similar to the anti-semitic propaganda used by Hitler and others in early 1900s...'Women's honour' to be exploited in more ways than one.

Laughing Budhdha

I now kind of appreciate why our old wise men said we should leave desires. In fact, desire is a very big word. I'm only talking of wishes here. 

Bordering on Lunacy

Today was one of the craziest days. If this is the kind of working-from-home I'm going to do for the next one month, I won't be fit to do any work by the end of it.

Elloo Salladavaru

I have been living in Bangalore for so long now yet I don't want to belong there. In my mind it's always some other place, may be Modankap, may be Takli ...But when I come to Modankap, I'm also acutely aware that I'm somewhat a stranger there, a once-in-a-year phenomenon and eveything seems new everytime. At times I long for the familiar comforts of our flat in Bangalore...

Spoil-sport

There is no better sense of peace than sitting on the terrace at my place and my husband is spoiling it currently with lot of work-related cacophony. Coming with him here is no more a pleasure, honestly. One has to continuously pray that not even a small hiccup raises its head and where does one have such luck? I don't know when I last had mine. 

Waiting to Swing

One of the side-effects of my medicine is supposed to be mood swings. I was not sure what that would entail but had forewarned my husband, just in case. It's been 6 days but I don't think I've had any swing so far. Waiting and watching right now. 

Rolling Back

Just when I was about to say "Nothing ever happens here!" like Dina, life decided to throw a fistful of events my way. First, after five years of slogging here, my parents decided to move back to their place for good. Just when I thought I was going to the free bird, living my life the way I always wanted - which I cannot explain because it's too chaotic - things went haywire. I had to have a scan because I had missed my periods - initial thought was if I had become pregnant again, which was not a very scary thought for me but alas - and it turns out that I have some cyst in my ovary which is not a regular one. To top the whole thing, my doctor asked me to get a CA125 test done and my whole world became numb when it threw up 61. Since then I've recovered enough not to treat myself as a normal creature, with the help of some medication.

Last but not the least, I joined the WhatsApp band and in that, our Primary School group last week. Of course it's been euphoric fun but now I know that it happened at a very wrong time. I mean, I had thought by the time kids come back, they would see a different house, all shiny and neat....Tomorrow I'll go to fetch them but all I've done in the interim is checking my messages some 100 times in a day and reading hundreds of messages. So now there is going to be a curb, as usual. And also, I'm surprised that I'm still a little wary when it comes to talking of M in a forum...I don't know, reminded me of the time I cried in 7th standard.

Down and not Out

Still recovering from the UP election results and I don't know how long it will take me to resign to these inevitable results, because I do know that it is only fair that majority should get the leaders they identify with. I think Bihar kind of spoilt me. But I also am curious to know what people intend to do with 'Congress-mukt Bharat'. How will that utopia be?

My mother is on a high, though. My jealous heart couldn't stand it for long and I finally lashed out at her asking what her party had done for Brahmans and why they all felt it's their victory. I was all eager to wage a full-fledged war of words but she just doused it saying they had done nothing. Anyway, I know what she didn't say; theirs is the only party which can keep 'those people' in their places, show them where they belong. It doesn't matter that our only solace is that and we remain in perpetual mental backwardness.

I watched Lunchbox yesterday. It felt like a highly customized solution to so many people's problems and even for all that, the director had to keep me hanging in the end. What hit me was the way she handled the disappointment, as if she was numb. Envied her very much.

Close Call

I went to the bus-stop looking for an auto, after two Ola cancellations. There was an auto slightly ahead of bus-stop but he wasn't interested in moving. So I just stood next to that auto for a while and waited for something else to come by. It was getting 11:30 already so I was getting restless and moved about towards the other side. Not even a minute and a metal board fell from the footpath to the road, just where I was standing before! Had I been there, it would've definitely injured my head and back. Some luck there.

Speaking to the Gallery

We took Metro to return from IISc. on Saturday. Kids got seats opposite to us and crowd had filled all the space in between. We had hardly settled into the seats when I heard Anu say a bit hesitatingly, "Aayi, ANNa is telling me bad words!". Oh God, what kind of words?? I ignored it, trying not to meet any of the glances my co-passengers shot in my direction. But just after a minute came a loud repetition and with it, Anu herself, navigating the passage with a pout. This time I had to ask her what her brother had said. I could see people around were all-ears now, suppressing their smiles. "He said he would throw me out of the train!". Some people laughed. It was bad of course but I guess not the bad they were expecting. Later an indignant Rishi told me she had tried to kiss him on the cheeks.

Open Mind

IISc. Open Day yesterday. We ventured with a lot of lethargy as usual but enjoyed the stroll within the campus in the end. Too many people for anything else otherwise, even more so in my case because my primary job was to keep Anu occupied. We had fun anyway.

I'm not in the habit of mobile messaging. My exchanges, personally or professionally, are hardly a number. But since yesterday, I have exchanged not less than 20 messages, all on cricket, one of the two things Rajani is crazy about. I wanted to tell her that I don't care about cricket anymore but haven't had the heart to, so far. But this messaging is a risky habit, I know now.

In our building, ours must be the house with the highest number of visitors in a year. We are warm hosts(as is evident from the way our guests feel at home) but sometimes it's tough to feel enthused about it when you had mistakenly envisaged Sunday to be all about taking rest.

Brush of Colour

Life now on should be just counting the tiny sparks of happiness. I mean, given my current state of affairs, it is better for me that way. And by that yardstick, yesterday and today were like blinding fires. :) Yes, I must thank Rajani for it. 

Reading Dalrymple's Kohinoor. Just 10 pages on and I am alternately feeling sad, angry, helpless and jealous. So much more of it yet to come!

Catch-up Mode

Life seems caught up in an eternal race. Race not to be ahead of others, but just not to lag behind badly. Everywhere I look, I have something that I have kept overdue. Some day...

Anu was curious about Sasikala being jailed and I was trying to give her some background. Then she asked about Jayalalitha. I told her she was in heaven(why ever did I say that, I wonder) and Anu said, "Aayi, we don't know if she's in heaven or hell, right?". I immediately agreed.

Static

My cousin VS is all set to get married and phone exchanges between my mother and aunt are daily and long. VS is a bright and talented girl in more than one field and wants to do her PhD next. But since my aunt is worried that she wouldn't get a guy after she finishes it, she's eager to get this 22-year old married before she enrolls herself in the university. It's an arduous task, getting a suitable boy, especially if you want the horoscopes matched. After the horoscopes, you have to match the expectations of the future mothers-in-law. It's very difficult to believe some of the conditions put by these ladies, some of them employed themselves - the girl cannot study after marriage, girl should have a child within the first year of marriage(I wanted to ask a lot of counter-questions to that pathetic creature), girl should not work after marriage, girl should observe the no-entry customs during menstruation(God, I can't believe this) when in in-laws' place...It's like these people have missed a generation of mental progress.

Paranoid

Pappa was talking to someone over the phone in the morning and I overheard him ask "if it was in the final stages". My first thought was "Oh God! Who else has cancer now!" but turned out that it was only a house construction. Please!

Happy Lies

I cheated my mother today and I'm very happy about it.

To cut a long story short, my mother is very touchy about touching our(V's and mine) money. We are daughters and it's not allowed(#%#$^%&). Yes. And then, because Pappa has insulted her on numerous occasions in the past - some genuine and some imagined - she hates having to ask him for any money other than what is absolutely necessary. In all this, she makes it look so complicated that it's very exasperating, especially when you think that you are earning well. Anyway, her aunt passed away over the weekend and according to customs, on 12th day ceremony, my mother will have to pay her aunt's children and their spouses some money. She wanted 2500 Rupees and was cribbing that she couldn't bring herself to ask Pappa for it. She went on with it for some time.

Some days ago to cheer her up I had told her that I had bought some stocks in her name. The premise was that I would invest in her name and whatever profit or loss happened, she would be the owner of that. Luckily she hadn't protested somehow. Now I had a sudden inspiration and I told her I would knock off some of those shares and give her the profit! I told that her shares had made a profit of 10k(it is 2k actually) and gave her a very complex calculation on that and even till the evening she had lot of doubts on it. Anycase, she fell for it and I paid her the money and I can see a spring in her steps today.

It's a sorry tale, coming to think of it. I don't want to be like that. 

Singing Old Songs

In love with Coke Studio Pakistan right now. Becoming a monomaniac really.

Dealing with Teenage(r)

Rishi completed 12 last October and is officially a teenager now. But it feels like he's always been one...

His recent passion seems to be declaring to all of us that he hates girls. He keeps saying that every time he gets an opportunity. Recently we had gone out for lunch and Rishi seemed fine, satisfied with ambiance and food too, which is a rare thing for him, until almost the end of lunch. He was sitting facing the restaurant and I was facing him, talking something and the boy suddenly deflated! Nothing I said seemed to fall on his ears anymore and all he kept doing was asking me to finish the food so that we could leave. I couldn't make out what happened and took usual guesses like toilet emergency or the fact that he had gorged on the starters but was only met with disgusted stares. Then I took a wild guess and asked him if any of his teachers was around. He said why the hell would the teachers come there. !!! Anyway, we finished the food and when I got up and turned to leave, I saw another family sitting behind me. There was a girl there with her face buried in the menu card and I figured she was one of Rishi's ex-classmates. I could barely conceal my laughter and Rishi almost dragged me downstairs red-faced.

Same Old New Year

I almost forgot the password too! I'm still in a terrible mood and I don't even have the energy to do something drastic and get out of it. Not much has changed since I wrote last anyway...I mean, I manage to get 2000 Rs. notes regularly and even change it...I still have a terrible work-life and am only sulking about it...kids are growing up with my parents' help and yes, very importantly, I'm only dreaming about leaving the job, some known and unknown apprehensions still gripping me even in those dreams....

My only resolution this year is something I can keep...resigning from cricket. I hate the game when it becomes a run-riot and Indian cricket is becoming nothing less than that. So I hope it's very easy, this resolution.

Rishi and I are not on talking terms, starting this morning. He doesn't seem to mind it at least till now but I find that he's so much better behaved today. If that continues, let's see...

Whole of last week, I was just bubbling inside because L was to land this week. She came last Monday and I met her for two hours on Friday. She was very busy preparing for her interview and then attending it so...couldn't help being disappointed because I had planned lots of things. She's very upbeat about that interview and has already started planning for our visits after she relocates to Hyderabad. :)

What's really eating me?

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