Midnight Madness

This late-night happiness is taking its toll on me. I could now put my head down anywhere anytime and get loads of dreams immediately. The only way is to just continue hoping that it would all end soon. PM and I are going crazy but also keeping each other's sanity intact I suppose. 

Happy

I'm happy....slogging and coding into late hours everyday and waking up late and happy....listening to and watching Ghulam Ali in concerts and looking at the happy faces in front of him, hearing that Rishi loves cricket(till two days ago he hated it) and listening to his gushing commitment to the game...walking in Cubbon Park and having a vague sense of being part of the crowd of trees...walking on MG Road and being part of a different kind of crowd....hugging Anu for no reason...marvelling at P's passion(for so many things!) ...getting more pimples than I ever did in my teenage and hearing that I look like a teenager anyway(except for my hair, of course)...bonhomie with everyone and everything around...kind of certain that this euphoria won't last long...I'm definitely happy these days.

The Cool Night on Sharavati

I think I'm going to spend the rest of the summer saying this but it is very hot indeed. And the times are such that you feel happy to even hear the sound of water running but immediately frown wondering why so much water is being wasted. I think of those buffaloes in my native place, floating and cooling themselves in the dirty pond and even that picture looks very pretty to my mind right now.

One of those summer nights in my grandmother's place and there was a Harikathe in Mavinakurve and this was just the distraction we needed in our monotonous schedule(really?). But it would start only sometime in the night and Mavinkurve is an island to be reached by boat. The prospect was very exciting and we begged our mother to take us along and I don't know how she consented. Range of children(7 totally) was from 2 to 17 years and along with my mother, Aunt G and my youngest uncle we skipped into KariyaNNa's boat.The journey was going to be of some 20 minutes and it was a moonless clear sky. I must say half my merry died within ten minutes because the water was high and looked ominous in the dark night, all the more so because KariyaNNa had given us clear instructions not to move an inch. We kids were sitting shoulder to shoulder in a line and we were severely reprimanded by one and all if we tried to stroke the water. A thought struck me that it may be because there were crocodiles beneath and the fact that there were only two swimmers - my uncle and KariyaNNa - added to my worries. But there wasn't much I could do so I tried to distract myself by gazing at the infinite stars above, listening to the rhythmic movement of KariyaNNa's jallu and longing for the coziness of the houses on the shore going away from us. But some enthusiasm was kicked up by my mother urging us to sing so by the time we stepped on to Mavinkurve, I was ready to be on the river again. But there was Harikathe of course, which dragged on meaninglessly(I couldn't understand much) and I must've slept off. I don't remember the journey back home.

Intolerant

It's 11 in the morning and though not peak traffic, there are enough vehicles to make me look at the watch. In the middle of the busy road, there is a big cow licking her young calf, oblivious to all the prying eyes. (I looked twice wondering if it was delivered right there). Very touching but no public display of affection, please. Do what you want at home.

Also, in our times, young calves like this were not allowed to roam outside, especially not on roads. Times have changed!

Postscript

Almost daylong sessions for the Women's Week celebrations, mostly listening. As for our speeches, I think they went well. Defying the expectations, there were 20 girls listening to us and though the topic was the same, all four of us talked of different things, though none of us was sure if it was any 'success story'. I'm sure I was the most nervous of the lot. But it was nice. I was really proud of the way A presented her bit - I don't think I'll ever have that clarity of thought. On her part, A said my speech shook her from inside but I couldn't imagine why.

I spoke to PM and asked him to sort out his personal problems instead of spending time in the office night and day. He seized the opportunity to tell me that he was the most envied person in Chennai office because he enjoyed life the most and never let a worry nag him, especially if there was nothing he could do about it. It seems he was separated from his family as a child on account of studies and while he cried then, he also learnt to handle his troubles on his own. Unfortunately he went on to call me one of the best bosses he had had, with the result that I'm inclined to interact a little less with him after that. Not prejudiced either way, but feeling a little awkward.

It rained yesterday. And the wind was so forceful that the trees were almost forced to shed whatever little leaves they had. The roads looked like someone had burst crackers on them.

Cooking Up a Speech

Here is the gist of what I'm going to say, hopefully. Not so nervous like my schooldays, of course.

I'm so and so...I finished my B.E. in Electrical and Electronics in 2000 and when I joined my course, there were many who advised me to change my branch as soon as possible. They knew that Electrical was just not meant for girls; it was too tough for us to handle the labs and other assignments. But I stayed on and incidentally our batch had the highest number of girls in E & E. Then I joined a Financial Software company and I've been happy with my choice of career all these days.

But I have seen stereotyping of women at workplace quite often. Apart from other things, there is a very strong conviction in people's minds that for a woman, the top 10 priorities are all to do with her family and a career or work-satisfaction comes a distant eleventh. Another popular myth is that because women are soft creatures, they are not capable of managing tough guys in their teams and much less the hardships of a difficult assignment. I've heard these thoughts spoken aloud and while love for my work is my primary concern, one of the secondary-joys of my life has been to prove them wrong. I'm just one of those many ordinary women who are capable and sincere workers, one of those ordinary women who are sensitive managers, who multi-task all the time. But more importantly, I think women have this capability of knowing when not to bring their egos in front of them which restores order to many chaotic situations in the workplace. So while I don't want any special status or conservation plans for us women, all I want is decent deadlines, the deadlines which don't give me a false sense of being a super-woman.

......

I want to end this with an old joke. There was this woman who wanted to attend her Saturday afternoon club meeting but she also wanted to catch the cooking class being aired by All India Radio. There was this particular recipe she didn't want to miss. So she woke her sleeping husband up and put him to the task of writing down every word of what was being said. She went off to the club and the grumbling husband sat down with a pen and paper and the class began - "Take a deep frying pan and heat the oil...". The next station at the same time was airing Yoga classes and unfortunately these two got mixed up - the Yoga and cooking class instructions. So what the sleepy and faithful husband wrote down finally looked something like  this - "Take a deep frying pan and heat the oil...Raise your left leg and cut it into small pieces...Take a deep breath and mix a pinch of salt...Close your eyes and sprinkle red chilli powder generously on them...." and finally ended something like "Raise your head and let it drop slowly into the hot oil".  Sometimes, when I feel down, my life looks like this disastrous recipe I'm trying cook but otherwise, mostly it's been a wonderful journey and I've enjoyed every bit of it. 

Listening

PM is my colleague from Chennai and works with me currently. I've been interacting with him for 3 years now but have never seen him. He's smart but erratic and his previous boss used to say that his day starts at 9 in the night. In my project, he started off like that but the last couple of weeks have been hectic for both of us and I don't know if he sleeps at all. He's a pleasant chap to interact with but yesterday when I requested him for something he said, "don't request, just order and it'll be done"!! I knew he was not being sarcastic so it sounded very pathetic coming from a 30-year old young man. On top of that he signed off saying he had some personal problems because of which he was not able to concentrate on work. I'm uneasy now thinking of  how SM used to be in his last days and I'm going to have a word or two with PM today.

Heat and Dust

It's scorching heat even in the middle of the night. Just imagine how it's going to be, wearing silk sarees on April 30th and May 4th!

The other speakers for Tuesday's all-women meet are identified. We are, as A says, the usual suspects - A,B, U and me. The inside joke is that we will outnumber the audience.

Age-old Problems

I think a cruel joke is being played on me. In my teenage and twenties, when I wanted some shape for myself, whatever I ate couldn't alter my stick-like figure((My erstwhile colleague SP had once told me that I should've been on Fashion TV and I don't think he meant it as a compliment). Now, when I finally think I have some reasonable look, I have to struggle to keep myself in shape. But as long as I can walk at the rate of 10 minutes a kilometre, I'll feel fine.

One of my old teammates met me yesterday and in the course of talking said I was looking old these days. It surprised me a little because I've been thinking the contrary but she relieved me saying that it was on account of my grey hair. Now that's nothing new and the way things are going, my grey hair will only increase and I'll have no time left to colour them. Things have been absolutely crazy with the deadlines approaching and no wonder I think that I have all the symptoms of ADHD.

What with all the health problems we discuss on the lunch table(S is diabetic, Rajani is on the verge of it, A has higher cholesterol and I don't know because I haven't got a test done in the last five years), we thought we should keep 10 minutes aside for an after-lunch walk. We took two rounds around our building but it somehow felt very awkward. After two days, people started giving one excuse or the other and now we've stopped it. As for myself, I've started walking to the office again.

It turns out that we have four weddings in the pipeline instead of two. Two of my cousins are getting married too and all in the peak of summer, it looks like. Why can't we shift the wedding season to October?

Women's Day

I want to thank all the men who treat me just the way I treat them, like another human being. I ask for nothing more, nothing less.

I'm supposed to speak next week about the challenges that working women face, to an all-women audience. But I just don't have the time, that's all.

Dreamboat

Some dreams make you happy by their sheer impossibility while some others make you very sad for the same reason...

I bought and watched Marvin's Room today. One of those movies which while being serious about life, makes you feel quite hopeful about it too. That deep down one may have a treasure of love hitherto unknown to oneself, may be because it was not mined or it was buried over a period of time...It's also about keeping aside the individual in you for someone else. Not just for a day but year after year.

Wavering

I've put October as the last month of my current job. I've discussed this with my family and a few people(my lunchmates and L) already and while L alone is very happy about it, others are skeptical to say the least(Rajani is refusing to believe it). My son, who two years ago would've been jumping with joy, is asking me now never to quit and he says he would be embarrassed to tell his friends and teachers that I'm not doing anything. It caught me by surprise and pinched me to think of the many mothers who strive hard at home. Anyway, I think what he's really worried about is our finances. He thinks we make peanuts.

My daughter is supremely happy and she has a big part in my decision. But sometimes, looking around at people of my own circle(not Bangalore of course but back home) I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or I should just delay it the way I've done all these days. Money is the only thing I can offer as help to anybody other than understanding and I know how much that money means to them. Now I can do it without thinking twice but tomorrow? My mother knows the value of this self-earned money so much and she's upset about my decision. But everyday spent at office feels like a day wasted to me these days....

Rishi is down because after the bonanza year of last season, this year he hasn't got any medal. I could see the relief in his eyes when I took his results with equanimity but it also automatically made him feel more guilty. We pampered him a little today - went for Zootopia and a dinner outside. He blushed with suppressed(and surprised) glee when he heard of the plan in the morning. The movie is cute, in spite of all the predictability.

Contrived Emergencies

A guy works on an enhancement for 6 months and is almost at the end of it. Then somebody higher up decides that it is not worth doing this way and there is a better option available. So they scrap this work and the guy is asked to keep his work somewhere safe. The guy doesn't keep it in the common area but on his machine, which promptly crashes one day while installing a back-up software! So the work is lost. Now suddenly after one year, the same 'higher-up' decides that the old design is the way forward and the work is to be completed in one and a half months!

I need a break, very much. My two weeks' leave is not approved yet.

Or I need more hours in a day.